[missK69]

Target: ASDA (The british front for the insidious Wallmart corporation)



Dear ASDA,

I am a big fan of your store, I shop their regularly, and I always find the experience to my satisfaction.

But the other day I bought a large amount of your very reasonably priced pants from the George section of a London branch.

Due to the huge nature of my load I took one of your trollys with me to take the items home.

I was, however, half way home when one of the front wheels of the trolley began to malfunction. I must have looked foolish going around in concentric circles, so I thought it would be best to deposit the trolly in the place where trollys are usually dumped i.e the canal.

Well, I took a large circuitous route to the canal to avoid the mocking gaze of the public. And when I finally reached the canal side I saw a woman sitting there fishing.

I'm not one for celebrities, but I was sure she was the woman that was going out with Kurt Cobain many years ago. I attempted to make conversation with her, and reasoned that the best way would be to engage her with a discussion of her fishing activities.

So I said "You court any love?"

And she said "Yes", which was obviously a lie because I could see no fish next to her at all.

I assume she gave me this strange response because she was startled by your knackered trolly. So I promptly pushed it into the canal and left the scene.

Would it be possible to receive 50 pairs of black, medium sized George pants as compensation for my loss?

Also, it has come to my attention that you have a system for numbering your stores, and I've found to my alarm that you have a store with the code '666'. This, I hasten to add is the sign of the beast, and the coming apocalypse.

This store is in a town called Dunstable, in Bedfordshire.

Now, it is no coincidence that, if you remove the letter 'D' from the beginning of the word 'Dunstable' you have the word 'unstable'. Is this a sign that the four horseman of the apocalypse are going to rise up from Dunstable?

Is ASDA really a front for Walmart, and is Walmart a front for satan?

I'm onto something here and you know it.

But if you send me the pants I'm willing to forget all about it, and I won't tell God.

Yours Sincerely,

Me