Jokes please

PrettyPumpkin · 19th April 2004, 08:14 PM

Can someone please tell me some jokes? I'm needing a smile put on my face.

alien_syndm · 19th April 2004, 08:41 PM

Here you go then.

PrettyPumpkin · 19th April 2004, 08:47 PM

Thanks

That's much better

RussellOrGoose · 19th April 2004, 08:58 PM

I got told one of the saddest "jokes" this morning.It's so sick.

What did the blind and deaf orphan get for christmas?

Cancer.

What sick people think of these?

Jeebus · 19th April 2004, 11:22 PM

You can print this next one out for when you're bored.

gord · 19th April 2004, 11:28 PM

I posted this one a wee while back.

A man goes across to his neighbour, and asks him if he'd like to buy his dog for £20.
"Why would I want to buy your dog?" The neighbour asks.
"Well" the man explains "it's a talking dog".
"A talking dog?!" Says the neighbour, incredulously. "No way, I don't believe it"
At which point the dog trots across and says "Actually, I am a talking dog. And I would love it if you bought me. You see, my owner here treats me very poorly. He makes me sleep in the garage, and feeds me the cheapest dog food. He doesn't realise how special I am... why, just last month I swam the Channel for charity, and I have been on expeditions to both geographical poles."
"My goodness!" the neigbour exclaims. "That's amazing! But £20... why are you selling him so cheaply?
"Well" the man replies "I'm just sick of his goddamned lies"

gord · 19th April 2004, 11:31 PM

Also, for all of you bookworms out there...

Reading is knowledge.. yes?
and knowledge is power....
but power corrupts....
and corruption is a crime...
and crime doesn't pay....

if you keep reading, you'll be broke!

evilheartedyou · 19th April 2004, 11:35 PM

how do you get a nun pregnant?

dress her up as an altar boy

MotioN · 19th April 2004, 11:38 PM

What did the Tampon say to the other tampon?!

nuthin! they're both stuck up cunts!

Monkey · 20th April 2004, 08:15 AM

what do tupperware and a walrus have in common?

they both like a tight seal

Monkey · 20th April 2004, 08:18 AM

...my dad told me some pretty awful jokes but my friends seem to find em funny so here ya go:

whats green and walks through walls?

Casper the friendly cooking apple

Whats brown and quacks?

Donald Mince

*i apologise for the above*

PrettyPumpkin · 20th April 2004, 11:25 AM

Hee hee these are class. Thanks people. I feel so loved *sniff*

I especially like that 'tight seal' joke. Class.

19th April 2004, 08:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
PrettyPumpkin Mixtaper Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Edinburgh. It's great. Posts: 2,800	Jokes please Can someone please tell me some jokes? I'm needing a smile put on my face.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

19th April 2004, 08:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
alien_syndm Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: dundee Posts: 1,435	Here you go then.

19th April 2004, 08:47 PM	#3 (permalink)
PrettyPumpkin Mixtaper Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Edinburgh. It's great. Posts: 2,800	Thanks That's much better

19th April 2004, 08:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
RussellOrGoose legend Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Cupar Posts: 6,431	I got told one of the saddest "jokes" this morning.It's so sick. What did the blind and deaf orphan get for christmas? Cancer. What sick people think of these?

19th April 2004, 11:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
Jeebus hates you Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Bon Jovi Posts: 919 Band: by kj	You can print this next one out for when you're bored.

19th April 2004, 11:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,728	I posted this one a wee while back. A man goes across to his neighbour, and asks him if he'd like to buy his dog for £20. "Why would I want to buy your dog?" The neighbour asks. "Well" the man explains "it's a talking dog". "A talking dog?!" Says the neighbour, incredulously. "No way, I don't believe it" At which point the dog trots across and says "Actually, I am a talking dog. And I would love it if you bought me. You see, my owner here treats me very poorly. He makes me sleep in the garage, and feeds me the cheapest dog food. He doesn't realise how special I am... why, just last month I swam the Channel for charity, and I have been on expeditions to both geographical poles." "My goodness!" the neigbour exclaims. "That's amazing! But £20... why are you selling him so cheaply? "Well" the man replies "I'm just sick of his goddamned lies"

19th April 2004, 11:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,728	Also, for all of you bookworms out there... Reading is knowledge.. yes? and knowledge is power.... but power corrupts.... and corruption is a crime... and crime doesn't pay.... if you keep reading, you'll be broke!

19th April 2004, 11:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
evilheartedyou Uh oh! Spaghettio! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: glasglayglo Posts: 1,187	how do you get a nun pregnant? dress her up as an altar boy

19th April 2004, 11:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
MotioN Listen to Void! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Perth/Abernethy Posts: 7,472 Band: Allergo, Violent Response, Nekrocircus, RatpukE, Octopope	What did the Tampon say to the other tampon?! nuthin! they're both stuck up cunts!

20th April 2004, 08:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
Monkey Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dundee Posts: 214	what do tupperware and a walrus have in common? they both like a tight seal

20th April 2004, 08:18 AM	#11 (permalink)
Monkey Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dundee Posts: 214	...my dad told me some pretty awful jokes but my friends seem to find em funny so here ya go: whats green and walks through walls? Casper the friendly cooking apple Whats brown and quacks? Donald Mince i apologise for the above

20th April 2004, 11:25 AM	#12 (permalink)
PrettyPumpkin Mixtaper Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Edinburgh. It's great. Posts: 2,800	Hee hee these are class. Thanks people. I feel so loved sniff I especially like that 'tight seal' joke. Class.