bassist jokes

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 07:38 AM

given that i am a bassist and all we ever do is slag craig for being a drummer i thought id post some bassist jokes for you all. since i have the uncanny ability to slag myself more than other people do.

Why does a bass player leave his case on the dashboard ?
So he can park in the handicapped zone.

How do you confuse a bassist?
Detune one of his strings, but don't tell him which one.

one time a guitarist left his keys in the car and had to smash the window to let the bassist out.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an bass guitar have in common?
Both suck when you plug them in.

What's the best thing to play on a bass guitar?
Solitaire.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.

Why don't bass players play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
"Pizza Delivery!"

What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life?
Second grade.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The piano player can do it with his left hand.

a couple goes to a marriage councillor and he tries to get them to open up about their feelings but he finds it hard to get them speaking. he eventually picks up a bass and starts playing. 15 minutes l8r the couple thank the doctor and ask him how he got them to open up about their feelings and he says "everyone starts talking during the bass solo"

An adventurer is rafting down a river into the dark heart of Africa with his local guide. As the days pass by, the air becomes thicker, the swarms of bugs more numerous, and the general feeling more ominous. After about a week, a faint, steady, percussive sound is heard and identified as the pounding of drums by a native tribe. The guide warns the adventurer, "Very bad when drums stop." Days go by, and still the pounding goes on, even louder than before. "Very bad when drums stop," repeats the guide. The adventurer grows wearier and more nervous with each passing day of drum beating. After about two weeks, the drums finally cease. "Very bad when drums stop!" warns the guide. Finally, the adventurer cannot take any more suspense and grabs the guide, shaking him anxiously. "Please, tell me what happens when the drums stop!" The guide clears his throat and says...
"Bass solo."

Why did the bassist join the band?
To hang out with the musicians

And now for my favourite of the lot

(Whats the difference between your bass and your wife?
No matter how many times you slap your bass, it won't make you dinner.)

enjoy

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 08:34 AM

just been told another one.

how many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

3.

1 to change it and 2 to stop the guitarist stealing the light.

FashionWhore · 8th July 2004, 11:22 AM

OH OH let me try!!!!

what do u call a shite bassist?

Garry

........

what do u call a stupid bassist?

Garry

........

If you give a spazzy a bass what do you get?

Garry

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 12:54 PM

FashionWhore · 8th July 2004, 01:56 PM

Whats the difference between a useless whore and garry the bassist?

NOTHING!

Are bassists important?

NO

Are bassists stupid?

YES!

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 03:42 PM

whats the difference between garry and rich??

some people want garry as a bassist.

or even in their band at all in that matter.

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 03:42 PM

whats the difference between garry and rich?

garry could play the bass he got.

Metal_Dolan · 8th July 2004, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by athane_2004

whats the difference between garry and rich??

some people want garry as a bassist.

or even in their band at all in that matter.

Nailed...

domination · 8th July 2004, 04:02 PM

nice come back man

hit the hammer on the head there!

athane_2004 · 8th July 2004, 04:06 PM

hit the nail on the head craig, the NAIL

the hammer is what u hit it with .

honestly, can u tell hes the drummer?

DaleNoFurtherTruth · 8th July 2004, 08:04 PM

nah i thought he was a bassist

domination · 8th July 2004, 11:04 PM

dont slag my grammer, i cant speak properly and i cant spell look watch me try and spell..................

onomatopia
alians ( thats just a joke between me and scott )
favorates ( another joke )
ballon (did anyone see that trany on big bro spell balloon wrong pmsl

FashionWhore · 9th July 2004, 09:32 AM

i got bad rep for slaggin garry even tho he knows its a bit of fun and that i know he cant help b a metal listening spazzy

HEY SPAZZY, WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?!?!?

8th July 2004, 07:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428	bassist jokes given that i am a bassist and all we ever do is slag craig for being a drummer i thought id post some bassist jokes for you all. since i have the uncanny ability to slag myself more than other people do. Why does a bass player leave his case on the dashboard ? So he can park in the handicapped zone. How do you confuse a bassist? Detune one of his strings, but don't tell him which one. one time a guitarist left his keys in the car and had to smash the window to let the bassist out. What do a vacuum cleaner and an bass guitar have in common? Both suck when you plug them in. What's the best thing to play on a bass guitar? Solitaire. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice. Why don't bass players play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them. What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door? "Pizza Delivery!" What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life? Second grade. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None. The piano player can do it with his left hand. a couple goes to a marriage councillor and he tries to get them to open up about their feelings but he finds it hard to get them speaking. he eventually picks up a bass and starts playing. 15 minutes l8r the couple thank the doctor and ask him how he got them to open up about their feelings and he says "everyone starts talking during the bass solo" An adventurer is rafting down a river into the dark heart of Africa with his local guide. As the days pass by, the air becomes thicker, the swarms of bugs more numerous, and the general feeling more ominous. After about a week, a faint, steady, percussive sound is heard and identified as the pounding of drums by a native tribe. The guide warns the adventurer, "Very bad when drums stop." Days go by, and still the pounding goes on, even louder than before. "Very bad when drums stop," repeats the guide. The adventurer grows wearier and more nervous with each passing day of drum beating. After about two weeks, the drums finally cease. "Very bad when drums stop!" warns the guide. Finally, the adventurer cannot take any more suspense and grabs the guide, shaking him anxiously. "Please, tell me what happens when the drums stop!" The guide clears his throat and says... "Bass solo." Why did the bassist join the band? To hang out with the musicians And now for my favourite of the lot (Whats the difference between your bass and your wife? No matter how many times you slap your bass, it won't make you dinner.) enjoy

8th July 2004, 04:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428	hit the nail on the head craig, the NAIL the hammer is what u hit it with . honestly, can u tell hes the drummer? Last edited by athane_2004 : 8th July 2004 at 04:09 PM.

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8th July 2004, 08:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428	just been told another one. how many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? 3. 1 to change it and 2 to stop the guitarist stealing the light.

8th July 2004, 11:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
FashionWhore Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 9,126	OH OH let me try!!!! what do u call a shite bassist? Garry ........ what do u call a stupid bassist? Garry ........ If you give a spazzy a bass what do you get? Garry

8th July 2004, 12:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428

8th July 2004, 01:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
FashionWhore Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 9,126	Whats the difference between a useless whore and garry the bassist? NOTHING! Are bassists important? NO Are bassists stupid? YES!

8th July 2004, 03:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428	whats the difference between garry and rich?? some people want garry as a bassist. or even in their band at all in that matter.

8th July 2004, 03:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
athane_2004 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: dundee Posts: 428	whats the difference between garry and rich? garry could play the bass he got.

8th July 2004, 04:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
domination Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 306	nice come back man hit the hammer on the head there!

8th July 2004, 08:04 PM	#11 (permalink)
DaleNoFurtherTruth Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,055 Band: Cydonia	nah i thought he was a bassist

8th July 2004, 11:04 PM	#12 (permalink)
domination Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 306	dont slag my grammer, i cant speak properly and i cant spell look watch me try and spell.................. onomatopia alians ( thats just a joke between me and scott ) favorates ( another joke ) ballon (did anyone see that trany on big bro spell balloon wrong pmsl

9th July 2004, 09:32 AM	#13 (permalink)
FashionWhore Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 9,126	i got bad rep for slaggin garry even tho he knows its a bit of fun and that i know he cant help b a metal listening spazzy HEY SPAZZY, WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?!?!?