Stupid Americans

Licky Kicky · 26th August 2004, 10:03 AM

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke!

Alabama:
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

Putting salt on a railway track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.

Alaska:
You can't look at a moose from an aeroplane.

Arkansas:
It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas

California:
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub

Colorado:
It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM.

Connecticut:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces

Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

(SARASOTA) It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.

Georgia
It is illegal to tie a giraffe to a lamp post.

It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.

Hawaii:
In Hawaii you will be fined if you do not own a boat.

Illinois:
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Indiana:
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.

Iowa:
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

Kansas:
It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas.

In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.

It is illegal to hunt whales.

Kentucky:
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

Louisana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault".

Maine:
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.

You may not step out of a plane in flight.

Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.

In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.

Maryland:
You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore.

You cannot throw a bail of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis.

Massachusetts:
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked
.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour.

It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.

Minnesota:
It is illegal to give or receive oral sex

Mississippi:
If an individual leaves his residence, or place of business, without the direct intent of injuring (killing) someone, they can not be tried for any offence.

Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

New Jersey:
In Newark it is illegal to buy ice cream after 6:00 p.m.

It's also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street.

In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday.

New Mexico:
Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

New York:
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

It is illegal to jump off the Empire State building.

North Dakota:
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

Ohio:
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Pennsylvania:
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

If a motorist sees a horse coming down the road, the driver must pull off to the side of the road and cover the vehicle with canvas. If the horse is still scared the driver must get out of his car and take it apart until the horse isn't scared anymore.

In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot.

In Philadelphia, you can't put pretzels in bags (based on an Act of 1760).

Rhode Island:
Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.

South Carolina
It is legal to beat your wife on a Sunday morning on the steps of the state house.

Texas:
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them.

In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday.

There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle.

It is illegal to spit on the sidewalk.

If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does.

It is illegal to carry a pair of wire-cutters in your pocket.

In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager.

In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home.

Vermont:
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.

Washington:
All lollipops are banned.

A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town".

"It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election." [This is in fact far less restrictive than the similar British law.]

It is illegal to deflower a virgin even on their wedding day.

West Virginia:
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions".

It is illegal to put an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays.

It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down. (The reasoning behind this law is back in the old days women wore the long floor length dresses and their dresses would drag through the spit!!)

Licky Kicky · 26th August 2004, 10:04 AM

the 2nd one is for you shiona

samuraisloth · 26th August 2004, 10:13 AM

hahaha so i cant wear my fake tash in church when i visit alabama. Aint no waaaaayyyyy i gonna wear that goddamn goddamn tash in church, your damn right boy

Rich · 26th August 2004, 12:24 PM

I personally know that the Hawaii one is false.

Rebelius · 26th August 2004, 03:51 PM

It is illegal to hunt whales.

Kansas has no coast or large lakes.

RussellOrGoose · 26th August 2004, 06:17 PM

I remember two I read in Nuts or Zoo ages ago or maybe it was FHM.They're funny anyhoo.

Maryland-It's illegal to have sex in any other position except missionary.
Texas-It's illegal to have more than one dildo/vibrator in one household.

Pink Lady · 26th August 2004, 07:43 PM

It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas

so u can do it when u arent there??!!
they are all stupid, id love to be the person who just comes up with stupid laws!

RussellOrGoose · 26th August 2004, 08:19 PM

I'd like to meet the person/s who made them all and give them a good slap about.

Rebelius · 26th August 2004, 09:46 PM

the arkansas one was probably some governor a couple hundred years ago that just decided to make it a law cos he was fed up with it being misspronounced and made it a law.

I bet you could go up to a police man and say ARR-CANS-ASS and he would just think you were strange.

same goes for most of them, they just can't be arsed changing them, too much paperwork. better to just not enforce them.

If you said you were going whale hunting in kansas to a police man, he'd just think you were mad.

26th August 2004, 10:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
Licky Kicky Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: On the dock of the bay watching the ships coming in and going out again Posts: 91	Stupid Americans These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railway track may be punishable by death. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant. Alaska: You can't look at a moose from an aeroplane. Arkansas: It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas California: Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water. It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub Colorado: It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM. Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. A pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. (SARASOTA) It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal. Georgia It is illegal to tie a giraffe to a lamp post. It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel. Hawaii: In Hawaii you will be fined if you do not own a boat. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter. Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. Kansas: It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie in Kansas. In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way. It is illegal to hunt whales. Kentucky: By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground". It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. Louisana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault". Maine: After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. You may not step out of a plane in flight. Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack. In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law. In Portland shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street. Maryland: You cannot swear while inside the city limits of Baltimore. You cannot throw a bail of hay out of a second story window in Annapolis. Massachusetts: Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked . An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbour. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder. Minnesota: It is illegal to give or receive oral sex Mississippi: If an individual leaves his residence, or place of business, without the direct intent of injuring (killing) someone, they can not be tried for any offence. Nebraska: A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service. New Jersey: In Newark it is illegal to buy ice cream after 6:00 p.m. It's also illegal in this state to throw a bad pickle on the street. In Berkley Heights you may not walk your cattle on the street on Sunday. New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. New York: A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. It is illegal to jump off the Empire State building. North Dakota: Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Ohio: Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Pennsylvania: A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. If a motorist sees a horse coming down the road, the driver must pull off to the side of the road and cover the vehicle with canvas. If the horse is still scared the driver must get out of his car and take it apart until the horse isn't scared anymore. In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot. In Philadelphia, you can't put pretzels in bags (based on an Act of 1760). Rhode Island: Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. South Carolina It is legal to beat your wife on a Sunday morning on the steps of the state house. Texas: A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them. In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday. There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle. It is illegal to spit on the sidewalk. If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does. It is illegal to carry a pair of wire-cutters in your pocket. In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager. In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home. Vermont: Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night. Washington: All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town". "It shall be unlawful for a candidate for office or for nomination thereto whose name appears upon the ballot at any election to give to or purchase for another person, not a member of his or her family, any liquor in or upon any premises licensed by the state for the sale of any such liquor by the drink during the hours that the polls are open on the day of such election." [This is in fact far less restrictive than the similar British law.] It is illegal to deflower a virgin even on their wedding day. West Virginia: No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions". It is illegal to put an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays. It is illegal to spit on any sidewalk which women may walk down. (The reasoning behind this law is back in the old days women wore the long floor length dresses and their dresses would drag through the spit!!)

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26th August 2004, 10:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Licky Kicky Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: On the dock of the bay watching the ships coming in and going out again Posts: 91	the 2nd one is for you shiona

26th August 2004, 10:13 AM	#3 (permalink)
samuraisloth Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: viva las dundee Posts: 2,376 Band: spam purse...given we are still to unite properly	hahaha so i cant wear my fake tash in church when i visit alabama. Aint no waaaaayyyyy i gonna wear that goddamn goddamn tash in church, your damn right boy

26th August 2004, 12:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rich Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 3,556 Band: Action Man Bowtie	I personally know that the Hawaii one is false.

26th August 2004, 03:51 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rebelius Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 7,092	It is illegal to hunt whales. Kansas has no coast or large lakes.

26th August 2004, 06:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
RussellOrGoose legend Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Cupar Posts: 6,379	I remember two I read in Nuts or Zoo ages ago or maybe it was FHM.They're funny anyhoo. Maryland-It's illegal to have sex in any other position except missionary. Texas-It's illegal to have more than one dildo/vibrator in one household.

26th August 2004, 07:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
Pink Lady Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Kirrie Posts: 173	It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas so u can do it when u arent there??!! they are all stupid, id love to be the person who just comes up with stupid laws!

26th August 2004, 08:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
RussellOrGoose legend Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Cupar Posts: 6,379	I'd like to meet the person/s who made them all and give them a good slap about.

26th August 2004, 09:46 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rebelius Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 7,092	the arkansas one was probably some governor a couple hundred years ago that just decided to make it a law cos he was fed up with it being misspronounced and made it a law. I bet you could go up to a police man and say ARR-CANS-ASS and he would just think you were strange. same goes for most of them, they just can't be arsed changing them, too much paperwork. better to just not enforce them. If you said you were going whale hunting in kansas to a police man, he'd just think you were mad.