funny convos - Page 5

kaleidoscope · 10th April 2005, 03:44 PM

my dad put pedigree chum in his macaroni the other day.

It was an accident though i think. Maybe thats what being cooped up in a house with vegtarians does to you. hah.

*Lyndsey* · 10th April 2005, 03:46 PM

me and scott wandering down road

me - "and then she said..."

random man - "eh she said..what did she say then eh?"

scott - "youve got no hair and your bald!"

then we had to run coz the angry bald drunk man tried to chase us : )

Rebelius · 10th April 2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaleidoscope

my dad put pedigree chum in his macaroni the other day.

It was an accident though i think. Maybe thats what being cooped up in a house with vegtarians does to you. hah.

your dad must be fucking stupid

and you should try growling back at the growling man.

kaleidoscope · 10th April 2005, 03:49 PM

no.

he just did a stupid thing.

doesn't mean he is stupid in general.

hooligan · 11th April 2005, 05:52 PM

andy - yeh he looks like johnny borrell.
me - who is johnny borrell.
danny - the singer from razorlight.
me - so he looks like a fucking tit?

graham - is that your cat?
me - yeh.
graham - its fucking ugly!

me - its your card
*girl has fit*
me - you got a king. . . you gotta down your drink!

mate - much you get
gunman - got a ounce of O
everyone - hahahahaha OUNCE OF O!

willie - i think i walked home last night.
me - willie. . . thats like 7 miles
willie - aye i know
me - you were fucking pissed!!

*Lyndsey* · 14th April 2005, 07:20 PM

on the bus, which was packed with old ones
me - what is it old people smell of? lavender
drew - no, toilet cleaner

iscussing why my fake tan had went on dark instantly

me - im sure its so they can see how its going on
drew - nah it usually goes on clear, it sticks to dead skin cells
*thinks for a minute*
drew - ewww you must have loads dirty cow (joking)
me - *looks worried* really!?!
drew - no, dont be daft silly bitch

DissolveD_JameS · 15th April 2005, 09:52 AM

In high school when a fireman was giving us a talk on fire safety:

Fireman: And that about does it... any questions?
Me: *Raises hand*
Fireman: Yes?
Me: Do you spit or swallow?
Teacher: Get out!

I miss school.

DissolveD_JameS · 15th April 2005, 11:59 AM

In a chatroom a couple of years ago.

Neo: 1 @m |_33+ |-|@XX0r!!!
Me: Fuck off.

Mr Creosote · 18th April 2005, 10:28 PM

(over phone)
"bridge authority" (actually one of the men who sit in the tollbooths):Tay bridge
me:are you trying to tell me that you, yourself, are the tay bridge?
"bridge authority":...................oh, fuck off

(over phone, again)
karioke woman:hello?
me:hi, i was wandering, do you do emergency callouts?
kareoki woman:..........sorry? what?
me:i know it's late, but we're really bored
kareokee woman: hang on a minute...............(in background) DAD! THERE'S A GUY WANTS TO KNOW IF WE DO EMERGENCY CALLOUTS
carreeokee woman's dad: tell him to fuck off
kar ee oh key woman: he says fu.....erm, no
me: we'll pay twice the going rate
carr hee ohkie woman: (in background) he says he'll pay double
karifuckinthingy woman's dad:what, oh hang on, ummm, no we don't have any equipment
me:look, we've got a cd player here, you could just come round and sing for us. please, we're really bored
Kareethingummybobber woman: look, it's late, i'm wantin mah bed, just........
me: ok. night then

RealR · 18th April 2005, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaleidoscope

my dad put pedigree chum in his macaroni the other day.

It was an accident though i think. Maybe thats what being cooped up in a house with vegtarians does to you. hah.

poor guy...

gord · 18th April 2005, 11:05 PM

i probably posted this in a thread about prank phone calls ages ago, but...

*our ex ex drummer phones random stranger at 3am*
Man: (sleepily) H-h-hello?
Chris: Ah, hello there. I was just wondering, what are you doing up at this time?
Man: (pause) why you...why you fucking fuck fuck....
*click*
Us: Heehee

Mr Creosote · 18th April 2005, 11:09 PM

i love prankies, it's so great when you rediscover their joys as a drunken quasi-adult. internet trolling has somewhat killed off the art of the noble pranky.

RealR · 18th April 2005, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gord

i probably posted this in a thread about prank phone calls ages ago, but...

*our ex ex drummer phones random stranger at 3am*
Man: (sleepily) H-h-hello?
Chris: Ah, hello there. I was just wondering, what are you doing up at this time?
Man: (pause) why you...why you fucking fuck fuck....
*click*
Us: Heehee

lmao class. i remember my m8 from back home ringing ppl saying they are from the DVLA enquiring about why the pink VW isn't taxed. Often amusing. And ringing from the badger obsession clinic...

Pity my number wasn't with-held and next day a lot of people were pissed off with me.

DissolveD_JameS · 20th April 2005, 11:32 AM

Speaking of prank calls...

Anyone ever heard any of those Arnold Shwarzenegger ones? You can probably find some using file sharing software. Anyway... I managed to find myself a flash file that had been created with lots of Arnie soundbites... eg: you click on "Hello" and Arnie says "Hello".

So I hook my computer up to my telephone and start calling everyone I know... unfortunately too many people just hung up... but I managed to catch one of my mates at about 3am after he'd been out on the piss. The results were hilarious... I had a 7 min long recording of the telephone call that I cried every time I listened to. Here are the parts I can remember:

John: Hello
Arnie: Good morning!
J: Morning!
A: How are you?
J: No bad, who's that?
A: My name is Thomas Equinas.
J: Thomas equiqujml??
A: Let me talk to your mother.
J: My mother!??! Who the fuck...
A: Shut up.
J: ... think you are?
A: Shut up.
J: Who the fuck are you?
A: Let me speak with your mother please.
J: *lots and lots of ranting profanity* Who the fuck are you?
A: John Kimble.
J: John Hume-bo?!?!? (John's surname is Hume) Only my mates back in Dunfermline call me Hume-bo... who the fuck are you???
A: I'm detective John Kimble you idiot!!
J: *more ranting profanity*
A: I HOPE Y OU LEAVE ENOUGH ROOM FOR MY FIST COS I'M GOING TO RAM IT INTO YOUR STOMACH!!!
J: *laughter & macho talk*

That's about all I can remember... but there was 7 mins worth... he even repeated his address over and over again so Arnie could come down for a beating! It was absolutely classic... I burned it onto a CD and gave it to the guy the next day.. he was not happy!!

Unfortunately - and this kills me... the file was lost - I formatted my computer, lost my hard copy and every I sent it to deleted it. It's truly a shame that such a valuable piece of comedy is now in digital heaven.

10th April 2005, 03:44 PM	#61 (permalink)
kaleidoscope Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: GLASGLOW Posts: 1,346	my dad put pedigree chum in his macaroni the other day. It was an accident though i think. Maybe thats what being cooped up in a house with vegtarians does to you. hah.

10th April 2005, 03:46 PM	#62 (permalink)
Lyndsey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sundee Posts: 5,270	me and scott wandering down road me - "and then she said..." random man - "eh she said..what did she say then eh?" scott - "youve got no hair and your bald!" then we had to run coz the angry bald drunk man tried to chase us : )

10th April 2005, 03:49 PM	#64 (permalink)
kaleidoscope Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: GLASGLOW Posts: 1,346	no. he just did a stupid thing. doesn't mean he is stupid in general.

11th April 2005, 05:52 PM	#65 (permalink)
hooligan Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 1,722	andy - yeh he looks like johnny borrell. me - who is johnny borrell. danny - the singer from razorlight. me - so he looks like a fucking tit? graham - is that your cat? me - yeh. graham - its fucking ugly! me - its your card girl has fit me - you got a king. . . you gotta down your drink! mate - much you get gunman - got a ounce of O everyone - hahahahaha OUNCE OF O! willie - i think i walked home last night. me - willie. . . thats like 7 miles willie - aye i know me - you were fucking pissed!!

14th April 2005, 07:20 PM	#66 (permalink)
Lyndsey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sundee Posts: 5,270	on the bus, which was packed with old ones me - what is it old people smell of? lavender drew - no, toilet cleaner iscussing why my fake tan had went on dark instantly me - im sure its so they can see how its going on drew - nah it usually goes on clear, it sticks to dead skin cells thinks for a minute drew - ewww you must have loads dirty cow (joking) me - looks worried really!?! drew - no, dont be daft silly bitch

15th April 2005, 09:52 AM	#67 (permalink)
DissolveD_JameS Restrained Abuser Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Dundee Posts: 1,264 Band: Dissolved	In high school when a fireman was giving us a talk on fire safety: Fireman: And that about does it... any questions? Me: Raises hand Fireman: Yes? Me: Do you spit or swallow? Teacher: Get out! I miss school.

15th April 2005, 11:59 AM	#68 (permalink)
DissolveD_JameS Restrained Abuser Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Dundee Posts: 1,264 Band: Dissolved	In a chatroom a couple of years ago. Neo: 1 @m \|_33+ \|-\|@XX0r!!! Me: Fuck off.

18th April 2005, 10:28 PM	#69 (permalink)
Mr Creosote General Refribulator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: dundee Posts: 188	(over phone) "bridge authority" (actually one of the men who sit in the tollbooths):Tay bridge me:are you trying to tell me that you, yourself, are the tay bridge? "bridge authority":...................oh, fuck off (over phone, again) karioke woman:hello? me:hi, i was wandering, do you do emergency callouts? kareoki woman:..........sorry? what? me:i know it's late, but we're really bored kareokee woman: hang on a minute...............(in background) DAD! THERE'S A GUY WANTS TO KNOW IF WE DO EMERGENCY CALLOUTS carreeokee woman's dad: tell him to fuck off kar ee oh key woman: he says fu.....erm, no me: we'll pay twice the going rate carr hee ohkie woman: (in background) he says he'll pay double karifuckinthingy woman's dad:what, oh hang on, ummm, no we don't have any equipment me:look, we've got a cd player here, you could just come round and sing for us. please, we're really bored Kareethingummybobber woman: look, it's late, i'm wantin mah bed, just........ me: ok. night then

18th April 2005, 11:05 PM	#71 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,727	i probably posted this in a thread about prank phone calls ages ago, but... our ex ex drummer phones random stranger at 3am Man: (sleepily) H-h-hello? Chris: Ah, hello there. I was just wondering, what are you doing up at this time? Man: (pause) why you...why you fucking fuck fuck.... click Us: Heehee

18th April 2005, 11:09 PM	#72 (permalink)
Mr Creosote General Refribulator Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: dundee Posts: 188	i love prankies, it's so great when you rediscover their joys as a drunken quasi-adult. internet trolling has somewhat killed off the art of the noble pranky.

20th April 2005, 11:32 AM	#74 (permalink)
DissolveD_JameS Restrained Abuser Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Dundee Posts: 1,264 Band: Dissolved	Speaking of prank calls... Anyone ever heard any of those Arnold Shwarzenegger ones? You can probably find some using file sharing software. Anyway... I managed to find myself a flash file that had been created with lots of Arnie soundbites... eg: you click on "Hello" and Arnie says "Hello". So I hook my computer up to my telephone and start calling everyone I know... unfortunately too many people just hung up... but I managed to catch one of my mates at about 3am after he'd been out on the piss. The results were hilarious... I had a 7 min long recording of the telephone call that I cried every time I listened to. Here are the parts I can remember: John: Hello Arnie: Good morning! J: Morning! A: How are you? J: No bad, who's that? A: My name is Thomas Equinas. J: Thomas equiqujml?? A: Let me talk to your mother. J: My mother!??! Who the fuck... A: Shut up. J: ... think you are? A: Shut up. J: Who the fuck are you? A: Let me speak with your mother please. J: lots and lots of ranting profanity Who the fuck are you? A: John Kimble. J: John Hume-bo?!?!? (John's surname is Hume) Only my mates back in Dunfermline call me Hume-bo... who the fuck are you??? A: I'm detective John Kimble you idiot!! J: more ranting profanity A: I HOPE Y OU LEAVE ENOUGH ROOM FOR MY FIST COS I'M GOING TO RAM IT INTO YOUR STOMACH!!! J: laughter & macho talk That's about all I can remember... but there was 7 mins worth... he even repeated his address over and over again so Arnie could come down for a beating! It was absolutely classic... I burned it onto a CD and gave it to the guy the next day.. he was not happy!! Unfortunately - and this kills me... the file was lost - I formatted my computer, lost my hard copy and every I sent it to deleted it. It's truly a shame that such a valuable piece of comedy is now in digital heaven.