jokes - Page 3

Wondah Vocal · 9th March 2005, 09:55 PM

yeh cuz it's not like asda would sell anything that cud get u hi like glue or lighter fuel is it

*Lyndsey* · 9th March 2005, 09:56 PM

um...we aint talking about lighter fuel or glue...we talking about BANANAS! ones we are going to SMOKE! ok assclown

Reviews101 · 9th March 2005, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confessions

um...we aint talking about lighter fuel or glue...we talking about BANANAS! ones we are going to SMOKE! ok assclown

that person rele is a cock

...i left um sum good rep

*Lyndsey* · 9th March 2005, 09:59 PM

whos a cock? or should we call him a male hen to be polite...

4273stuart · 10th March 2005, 06:27 PM

since the jokes have become a tad sicker

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?" His father says, "No...how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!" He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father."

4273stuart · 11th March 2005, 11:57 PM

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to go to the rest room. The ducks are left on the Bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" said the duck. "How's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey" came the answer. "So how's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie" "No", growls the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my fucking day!"

chrono · 12th March 2005, 12:21 AM

What's got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

maz · 14th March 2005, 04:49 PM

dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Going Gone · 14th March 2005, 04:51 PM

maz · 14th March 2005, 05:10 PM

Kids Books That Never Hit The Store:
1. You are different, and that's bad.
2. The boy who died from eating all his vegetables.
3. Dad's new wife, Robert.
4. Fun four-letter words to know and share.
5. Hammer's, scissors and screwdrivers: An I can-do book.
6. The kids guide to hitchhiking.
7. Kathy was so bad, her mom stopped loving her.
8. Curious George and the high voltage fence.
9. All cats go to hell.
10. Some kittens can fly.
11. That's it; I'm putting you up for adoption.
12. Grandpa gets a casket.
13. The pop-up book of human anatomy.
14. Strangers have the best candy.
15. Whirling, crying and kicking to get your way.
16. You were an accident.
17. Things rich kids have, but you never will.
18. POP! goes the hamster, and other great microwave games.
19. The man in the moon is actually Satan.
20. Your nightmares are real.
21. Eggs, flour, toilet paper and your school.
22. Why can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical outlet be friends?
23. Places where mommy and daddy hide neat things.
24. Daddy drinks because you cry

hehe 18 is my fav

maz · 14th March 2005, 05:38 PM

FRIENDS

Me And You Are Friends ...

You Fight, I Fight .....

You Hurt, I Hurt ....

You Cry, I Cry ...
You Jump Off A Bridge ...
I'm Gonna Miss Your Dumb Ass

Ok so strictly speaking not a joke, still funny though :P

^_mincher_^ · 14th March 2005, 05:40 PM

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to santa.

Going Gone · 14th March 2005, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BassBitch

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to santa.

seriously?

What a moron

p.s Did anyone see what I did?

^_mincher_^ · 14th March 2005, 05:51 PM

No because your unimportant and forgetable.

9th March 2005, 09:55 PM	#31 (permalink)
Wondah Vocal Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Dundee, TOTH Posts: 481	yeh cuz it's not like asda would sell anything that cud get u hi like glue or lighter fuel is it

9th March 2005, 09:56 PM	#32 (permalink)
Lyndsey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sundee Posts: 5,282	um...we aint talking about lighter fuel or glue...we talking about BANANAS! ones we are going to SMOKE! ok assclown

9th March 2005, 09:59 PM	#34 (permalink)
Lyndsey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sundee Posts: 5,282	whos a cock? or should we call him a male hen to be polite...

10th March 2005, 06:27 PM	#35 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	since the jokes have become a tad sicker A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?" His father says, "No...how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!" He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father."

11th March 2005, 11:57 PM	#36 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to go to the rest room. The ducks are left on the Bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" said the duck. "How's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey" came the answer. "So how's your day been?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie" "No", growls the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my fucking day!"

12th March 2005, 12:21 AM	#37 (permalink)
chrono Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Dundee Posts: 1,148	What's got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

14th March 2005, 04:49 PM	#38 (permalink)
maz Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Scotland, Dundee Posts: 1,104	dyslexic man walks into a bra...

14th March 2005, 04:51 PM	#39 (permalink)
Going Gone Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 2,410	^

14th March 2005, 05:10 PM	#40 (permalink)
maz Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Scotland, Dundee Posts: 1,104	Kids Books That Never Hit The Store: 1. You are different, and that's bad. 2. The boy who died from eating all his vegetables. 3. Dad's new wife, Robert. 4. Fun four-letter words to know and share. 5. Hammer's, scissors and screwdrivers: An I can-do book. 6. The kids guide to hitchhiking. 7. Kathy was so bad, her mom stopped loving her. 8. Curious George and the high voltage fence. 9. All cats go to hell. 10. Some kittens can fly. 11. That's it; I'm putting you up for adoption. 12. Grandpa gets a casket. 13. The pop-up book of human anatomy. 14. Strangers have the best candy. 15. Whirling, crying and kicking to get your way. 16. You were an accident. 17. Things rich kids have, but you never will. 18. POP! goes the hamster, and other great microwave games. 19. The man in the moon is actually Satan. 20. Your nightmares are real. 21. Eggs, flour, toilet paper and your school. 22. Why can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical outlet be friends? 23. Places where mommy and daddy hide neat things. 24. Daddy drinks because you cry hehe 18 is my fav

14th March 2005, 05:38 PM	#41 (permalink)
maz Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Scotland, Dundee Posts: 1,104	FRIENDS Me And You Are Friends ... You Fight, I Fight ..... You Hurt, I Hurt .... You Cry, I Cry ... You Jump Off A Bridge ... I'm Gonna Miss Your Dumb Ass Ok so strictly speaking not a joke, still funny though :P

14th March 2005, 05:40 PM	#42 (permalink)
^_mincher_^ Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Corstorphine/Dundee Posts: 1,565	Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to santa.

14th March 2005, 05:51 PM	#44 (permalink)
^_mincher_^ Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Corstorphine/Dundee Posts: 1,565	No because your unimportant and forgetable.

15th March 2005, 09:56 AM	#45 (permalink)
Ferg Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bishy-o-briggs Posts: 524