jokes - Page 34

vaya · 29th November 2006, 05:39 PM

------------------

Quote:

An African miner is working in the gold mines, when he has an accident and loses a leg.

"FUCK!" he shouts. "What am i going to do??? Who's going to want a one legged gold digger?"

"Me!" says Paul McCartney

----

so bad its good :P

4273stuart · 11th December 2006, 10:24 AM

This one may be a tad to far!

It's the day after Christmas and two kids are comparing notes about what they'd got.

The first kid says "What'd you get?"

The second kid replies, "Man, I made out! I got Power Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkie set, a stereo, and a whole lot more! What'd you get?"

"Ah, I just got a baseball glove and bat," says the first kid.

"Wow, that's pretty rough," says the second kid.

The first kid says, "Yeah, well I'm not dying of cancer."

4273stuart · 4th March 2007, 11:26 PM

TO PROVE I'M STILL ALIVE :P

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner.
One says to the other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits!"

Daveoftheband · 5th March 2007, 05:20 PM

what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

being raped.

BottletopHearts · 6th March 2007, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daveoftheband

what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

being raped.

jimmy carr is amazing

Daveoftheband · 6th March 2007, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BottletopHearts

jimmy carr is amazing

that's a jimmy carr joke!? :O

i fucking hate jimmy carr!

i heard it from a friend

i feel decieved

robho · 6th March 2007, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daveoftheband

that's a jimmy carr joke!? :O

i fucking hate jimmy carr!

i heard it from a friend

i feel decieved

you should......... you should.

Pubic Wig · 6th March 2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4273stuart

This one may be a tad to far!

It's the day after Christmas and two kids are comparing notes about what they'd got.

The first kid says "What'd you get?"

The second kid replies, "Man, I made out! I got Power Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkie set, a stereo, and a whole lot more! What'd you get?"

"Ah, I just got a baseball glove and bat," says the first kid.

"Wow, that's pretty rough," says the second kid.

The first kid says, "Yeah, well I'm not dying of cancer."

Hahahahahahahaha!!! thats fanfuckingtastic!!!

Tommy Sports · 6th March 2007, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BottletopHearts

jimmy carr is amazing

wrong.

azzemojo · 7th March 2007, 08:00 AM

he's in dundee in two weeks, i've got tickets to see him

4273stuart · 7th March 2007, 08:58 AM

A man goes into a bar and says "Give me two doubles."
The bartender says, "Wow, You must really be thirsty!"
The man says, "No, I'm celebrating my first blowjob."
The bartender replies,"Well, in that case, they're on the house!"
The man smiles, "I just hope it's enough to get the taste out of my mouth!"

4273stuart · 7th March 2007, 09:00 AM

Again this one may be deemed slightly racist but its amusing

A black man walks into a bar and says, "I have a twelve inch dick, and I like to fuck white women with it."
A drunk at the other end of the bar said, "Hey, I wouldn't want to fuck a black chick either."

Kevxx · 7th March 2007, 01:53 PM

how do you make a gay guy shag a straight women?

shit in her cunt .

azzemojo · 7th March 2007, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevxx

how do you make a gay guy shag a straight women?

shit in her cunt .

would it make a difference if she was a lesbian?

earmuffin · 7th March 2007, 07:49 PM

haha, i thought that too.

orange you glad i didn't say banana?

11th December 2006, 10:24 AM	#497 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	This one may be a tad to far! It's the day after Christmas and two kids are comparing notes about what they'd got. The first kid says "What'd you get?" The second kid replies, "Man, I made out! I got Power Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkie set, a stereo, and a whole lot more! What'd you get?" "Ah, I just got a baseball glove and bat," says the first kid. "Wow, that's pretty rough," says the second kid. The first kid says, "Yeah, well I'm not dying of cancer."

4th March 2007, 11:26 PM	#498 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	TO PROVE I'M STILL ALIVE :P Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits!"

5th March 2007, 05:20 PM	#499 (permalink)
Daveoftheband Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Mainly Dundee Posts: 2,680 Band: a parting shot/sunsetsquad	what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? being raped.

7th March 2007, 08:00 AM	#505 (permalink)
azzemojo Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Dundee Posts: 641 Band: Mason	he's in dundee in two weeks, i've got tickets to see him

7th March 2007, 08:58 AM	#506 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	A man goes into a bar and says "Give me two doubles." The bartender says, "Wow, You must really be thirsty!" The man says, "No, I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender replies,"Well, in that case, they're on the house!" The man smiles, "I just hope it's enough to get the taste out of my mouth!"

7th March 2007, 09:00 AM	#507 (permalink)
4273stuart old school Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 275	Again this one may be deemed slightly racist but its amusing A black man walks into a bar and says, "I have a twelve inch dick, and I like to fuck white women with it." A drunk at the other end of the bar said, "Hey, I wouldn't want to fuck a black chick either."

7th March 2007, 01:53 PM	#508 (permalink)
Kevxx Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Nam Posts: 1,713 Band: Kill All Celebrities - Stand together	how do you make a gay guy shag a straight women? shit in her cunt .

7th March 2007, 07:49 PM	#510 (permalink)
earmuffin Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: I'm there. Posts: 1,649	haha, i thought that too. orange you glad i didn't say banana?