higher maths

[Lindsay]

i just got sent this...


Subject: Higher Maths Paper


SCOTLAND

HIGHER GRADE:

MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2005

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

GLASGOW REGION


Name...............
Nickname..............
Gang name............

1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine for large. He wants to make
300% on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection money. How uch
must he charge for a gram?


2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week if
he ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the wedding
will cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish suppers every
night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie wishes he'd stayed
single?


3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes
when they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How many
times did they sing it at last season's Cup Final?


4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the
clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it had
been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?


5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The Flake
got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous convictions
did Fingers have?
EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?







EDINBURGH / BORDERS REGION


Name..............
Rugby Club............
Daddy's Company.........



1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival Fringe. But
Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry before
giving them the tickets?


2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with Ewan
McGregor. Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at
University. A sixth say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's dad
and the rest say Sean Connery was their milkman. Only one is telling the
truth, so how many friends does Peter have?


3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh Castle. His
daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd becomes the Lord
Advocate?


4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex with her
whenever she wants it. Jasmine's Life Coach charges £50 a week but has
refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?


5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is someone
begging for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour. How long
will it take if you tell them all to sod off and work for a living?






HIGHLANDS REGION

Name............
Glen............


1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on Glenbogle. With
25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000 acres and 90p per
acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people actually give a
toss?


2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a Tartan Shop
in Inverness if he has any Scottish Genealogy. How long does it take to
flog
him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife and 10 kids?


3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region end to
end, how many people would be surprised?


4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each foot weighed
27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your exclusive story and
pictures?


5. Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will be here
as soon as the Cockbridge-Tomintoul road re-opens in the Spring.igher

[Keerin]

haha. thats pretty cool. i dont know the answer to any of them.

[ArchFlameTera]

Originally Posted by Lindsay

Mad Malky

what a guy!

[Loosea]

I've seen that before. Personally i thought this:

Originally Posted by Lindsay

5. Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will be here
as soon as the Cockbridge-Tomintoul road re-opens in the Spring.igher

was the funniest

[*Lyndsey*]

hehe yeah i got it sent to me back in 2002 or something, was quite funny


"wee davie" hehe awww thats what i call my litlle bro as his dad is davie too : )