ChaCha.com

[ubermensch]

Hello. I don't know if you're aware, but chacha.com is a search engine that allows the user to ask a live 'guide' to help them locate information if they're having difficulty.

Here's some of my transcripts, Robin and Nico are free to add their own


Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Kelly(4767)
Kelly(4767): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hello
Kelly(4767): Hello
You: where is skegness? i heard it was a farming community for dwarves
Transfer: You are being transferred to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Misti(57350)
Misti(57350): Welcome to ChaCha!
Misti(57350): What can I help you with on this topic?
You: yeah
You: skegness
You: where is it and are there dwarves there?
Misti(57350): Please wait a moment while I research this for you.
You: you're very kind
You: how tall are you?
Misti(57350): We're not allowed to answer personal questions, sorry.
You: doesn't get much more personal than your height, i suppose

*minutes pass*

You: imagine, for a second, that i had to use this to look up detailed schematics on how to defuse a nuclear device, and there were only 2 minutes to detonation
You: i'd be pretty fucked, eh?

*more minutes pass*

You: i like small people
Misti(57350): Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

************************************************** *********

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Heather(64440)
Heather(64440): Welcome to ChaCha!
Heather(64440): How can I help you with your search today?
You: Hi Heather.
You: It was just announced on Radio Tay, my local radio station that Kevin Costner died tonight, but I can't find any info about it on the web.
Heather(64440): One moment while I search for you.
You: Man, I hope he's okay. He was really good in Waterworld.
Heather(64440): Nothing is coming up on this search. It maybe false.
You: It's not! Radio Tay said so.
Heather(64440): Im not finding anything regarding his death.
You: Maybe it's a cover-up? Radio Tay are really good at uncovering really tight information.
Heather(64440): Im not sure.
Heather(64440): Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: Come on. He's old enough to die.
Heather(64440): Have a nice night!
Heather(64440): Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

************************************************** *********

Status: Connected to guide: Jacob(74440)
Jacob(74440): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hey Jacob
Jacob(74440): Hello.
You: I heard that Chesney Hawkes's songs are banned in China because of his mole. Is this true?
Jacob(74440): I'm not sure, one moment please while I look that up for you.
You: Thanks.
You: It'd be a shame, he's the 'one and only' don't you know.
Jacob(74440): It looks like that's a "No", as I can't find anything on the subject.
You: I dunno man, my friend said it with certainty.
Jacob(74440): Well lemme look deeper..
Jacob(74440): I'm still not geting anything extremely relevent..
Jacob(74440): Besides..
Jacob(74440): Why would they ban him over a mole?
You: Have you seen his mole?
Jacob(74440): Nope.
You: It's bigger than most Chinese people.
Jacob(74440): Huh, well. The answer still seems to be no. Have a nice night~
Jacob(74440): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

************************************************** *********

Ring: ... Status: Connected to guide: Tollie(33226)
Tollie(33226): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hi there Tollie. My friend said Jeremy Beadle is a hermaphrodite. Is this true?
Tollie(33226): I don't honestly know. I will see if I can find a difinitive answer for you tho.
You: That's super, thanks.
Tollie(33226): One moment please while I search.
You: oh, and by the way
You: is Kevin Costner dead? I heard it on my local radio
Tollie(33226): I don't think he is.
You: But it was just broadcast at 2am on Radio Tay!
You: You sure he's not dead? Field of Dreams is my favourite film.
Tollie(33226): I'm pretty sure he's not dead, but if he does happen to be, you'll always have your Field of Dreams to romp in.
You: That's a bit forward! My 'Field of Dreams' is none of your concern, y'cheeky bastard!
Tollie(33226): You could even do some Dances With Wolves while you are in your Field of Dreams.. Now doesn't that sound great!?
You: Not really. I'd rather have a Tin Cup in my Field of Dreams.
Tollie(33226): But if it rains you would have a WaterWorld
Tollie(33226): Also, I do not find any info on whether or not Jeremy Beadle is a hermaphrodite. I'm guessing that is all hear say, just like the Kevin Costner death.
You: ahh, you're a sharp one Tollie
You: but seriously, check the news tomorrow
Tollie(33226): I will...
You: he's totally fucked!
You: he choked on his own pancreas!
Tollie(33226): You have a great night.
Tollie(33226): and don't be out Robin (the) Hood
Tollie(33226): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha. Status: Session ended.

[mrlizard]

Antoinette(61227): What can I find for you concerning Kevin Costner?
You: is he dead?
You: i just heard on the news that he died
Antoinette(61227): Really.....
You: yes!
Antoinette(61227): Hold on and I will check.
Antoinette(61227): No, I don't see anything. Where did you hear this?
You: on radio tay
Antoinette(61227): I see where his wife just had a baby, but that's about it.
You: maybe that was it, i might have got confused with another report about death
Antoinette(61227): OK. Well, I'm glad we cleared that up.
Antoinette(61227): Thanks for dropping by.
Antoinette(61227): Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

******************************




raymond(35488): i'm not sure ironside and iron maiden have ever had a fight

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Debra(14494)
Debra(14494): Welcome to ChaCha!
Debra(14494): Hello how are you today?
You: hello. i am okay, how are you?
Debra(14494): I'm great, thanks
Debra(14494): Take a look at this site while I continue your. search
You: thanks
You: i heard that he resigned because of kevin costners death. do you know if that is true?
You: waterworld was his favourite film
Debra(14494): I havent heard that
You: hmm... strange
You: there was a news article tonight on my local radio, Tay FM, saying kevin costner had died, and so tony blair was resigning
You: i am very very worried about it. do you like KC?
Debra(14494): as far as I know he is still alive
Debra(14494): yes i do like him.

[ubermensch]

Originally Posted by mrlizard

raymond(35488): i'm not sure ironside and iron maiden have ever had a fight

Hahahahaha! The best.

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: andrew(9991)
andrew(9991): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hi andrew
andrew(9991): Please be more specific as to what you're looking for on this topic.
andrew(9991): I only have two minutes to start a valid seearch
You: i heard that the undergroundscene.co.uk website is run by scientology. is this true?
andrew(9991): I can not go to sites given to me by infoseekers yiou
andrew(9991): Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
andrew(9991): I only have two minutes to start a valid seearch
You: well, yes, i still dont know if it is a scientology site or not?
andrew(9991): so
You: the other cha cha people don't rush me like this.
You: i feel stressed out.
andrew(9991): you need to go to the site and find out
andrew(9991): Ic an not
You: this is not a pleasant surfing experience.
andrew(9991): sorry
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You:
andrew(9991): as soon as you put .uk behind it became agaiste company poicy
You: i have a question. what are the effects of internet stress on cha cha users?
andrew(9991): ok
You: COS IM STRESSED PAL
andrew(9991): good nite
andrew(9991): come back soon
You: because I DONT KNOW WHETHER UNDERGROUNDSCENE.CO.UK IS SCIENTOLOGISTS
andrew(9991): Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Amanda(79013)
Amanda(79013): Welcome to ChaCha!
Amanda(79013): What can I find for you?
You: errrr....
You: there are 3 seagulls in my living room. what do i do?
Amanda(79013): kill thrm
Amanda(79013): then,
Amanda(79013): Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

[ubermensch]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Lisa(74529)
Lisa(74529): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hey Lisa.
Lisa(74529): hello
You: I just wanted to know something.
Lisa(74529): ok
You: CANNNN YOU FEEEEELLL THE LOOOOOOVE TOOOONIIIGHHHTTT?
Lisa(74529): lol, yes
You: excellent! thanks very much.
Lisa(74529): you're welcome
Status: Session ended.

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Rosemarie(13806)
Rosemarie(13806): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hello
You: could you tell me when hitler died? cos I'm sure I just saw him delivering milk...
Rosemarie(13806): Hello!
Rosemarie(13806): sure
Transfer: You are being transferred to another guide who can help you search even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Misti(57350)
Misti(57350): Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hello misti, perhaps you can help me better
You: when did Hitler die?
You: hello?
You: Thanks, I'm done.
Status: Session ended.
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Linda(28654)
Linda(28654): Welcome to ChaCha!
Linda(28654): Welcome to ChaCha! Please wait a moment while I search for your results.
You: hi linda.
You: could you please tell me when hitler died?
Linda(28654): ok searching...
You: 1945!!!????!!!!
Linda(28654): That what it says.
You: no... cos im SURE i just saw him delivering milk on my street.
You: so it must have been between 20 minutes ago, and now
You: hello?
Status: Session ended.

[ubermensch]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: raymond(35488)
raymond(35488): Welcome to ChaCha!
raymond(35488): Hello,how are you doing?
You: Hey Raymond man, thank god you're here.
raymond(35488): Please be more specific as to what you're looking for on this topic.
You: I've just set my curtains on fire! What do I do??
raymond(35488): throw water on them
You: Uh oh, now the TV's on fire.
You: Do I throw water on the TV too?
raymond(35488): no salt
raymond(35488): or dirt
You: Excellent.
You: Ahh, I managed to get the curtains out but the TV's still on fire
You: I was watching Jeremy Kyle, it's a right bugger really.
raymond(35488): smother it
You: Now the coffee table's on fire.
You: Right, the TV's out!
raymond(35488): use water on everything
You: Any tips for coffee tables?
You: I use water on the coffee table? Not salt or dirt?
raymond(35488): water
You: Okay
You: Ahh, the fire's in the way of the kitchen.
You: I can't get any more water!
You: Should I just get out?
raymond(35488): yep
You: Oh right.
You: Thanks then!
Status: Session ended.

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: diann(17852)
diann(17852): Welcome to ChaCha!
diann(17852): Hello.
diann(17852): How may I help you today?
You: hey diann
You: well... my mom is away on holiday just now
You: and so i got up at 4am
You: and i got lasagna on the carpet
You: how do i get the stain out?
diann(17852): One moment and I will get you some information on this topic.
You: also, on a similair topic, do you know if kevin costner is still alive?
Status: Session ended.

[ubermensch]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Jax(75079)
Jax(75079): Welcome to ChaCha!
Jax(75079): Hi. How can I assist you today?
You: Hey there Jax!
You: Right, I'm having trouble getting the ladies.
Jax(75079): One moment, please!
You: I was thinking of growing a moustache, like Des Lynam, would that help?
Jax(75079): Just a moment.
You: I heard moustaches are very sexy and tickle all the right places.
You: Do you have a moustache Jax?
You: My ex really liked Des Lynam, but I don't think I can ever look as good as Des Lynam.
You: My lack of facial hair caused problems at home.
Jax(75079): Ok.
You: Now that I'm single, I want to explore the concept of facial growth to boost my prowess.
You: Do you think it would work?
You: JAX???
Jax(75079): Maybe.
You: That's not very helpful.
Jax(75079): Take a link at the links provided.
You: Do you have a moustache Jax?
Jax(75079): You're all set. Thanks a lot for using ChaCha, and you have a nice day!
You: WAAIITITT
Jax(75079): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

[njw]

Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Kristina(75534)
Kristina(75534): Welcome to ChaCha!
Kristina(75534): Hello
You: hi kristina
Kristina(75534): What can i help you find?
You: i have been looking for help. i am 15 years old and i cant stop thinking about my music teacher when im not at school. can you help?
You: i dont know if its normal or what.
Kristina(75534): I am sorry but that is not something I can help you with. I can only search for things online for you
You: well can you not search for some kind of help files. i think i love her.
Kristina(75534): I can search for some counseling sites for you
You: that would be great. im scared i might be a lesibian
Kristina(75534): Alright. Let me see what I can find for you.
You: and mom says they are sinners. i dont want to be a sinner.
You: kristina? kristina where are you?
Kristina(75534): Check out teenhelp.us
You: thank you! i hope it will help.
Kristina(75534): You are welcome
You: today has been messed up. someone told me kevin costner died today too, is that true?
Kristina(75534): I dont know.
Kristina(75534): But not as far as I know
You: hmm ok. thanks for all the help kristina. you really are a true samaritan.
Kristina(75534): You are welcome. Have a good day!
Kristina(75534): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

[njw]

***** see back to Rossie's post, #9


Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: raymond(35488)
raymond(35488): Welcome to ChaCha!
raymond(35488): Hello,how are you doing?
You: hi raymond. can you help me?
raymond(35488): sure
You: my friend just arrived here. he says his living room has been on fire and he did not know how to put it out. he wants me to go and help.
You: what do i do?
raymond(35488): call 911
You: we are not in america!
You: and there is Dirt all over his TV!!!!!
raymond(35488): Are these results sufficient?
You: Dirty salt!
raymond(35488): Have a great evening,and please come back again.
You: anyway, i was trying to get the dirty salt out of his burning TV, and i cut my finger on the glass.
raymond(35488): Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.