The Best News Story I've ever ever read.

Zildjiain · 8th November 2007, 01:35 PM

BBC NEWS | England | Tees | Carrot 'joke' sex attacker guilty

Genius.

Shawman · 8th November 2007, 01:48 PM

hero!

Lynnie · 8th November 2007, 02:07 PM

You mean sex is not a good exchange for free driving lessons

Bikerboy · 8th November 2007, 03:30 PM

Hahaha, sexual harrassment is always the funniest of all harrassments.

My mate got a carrot shoved in his ass when he was asleep at a party; a party I never attended.

LesMts · 8th November 2007, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikerboy

Hahaha, sexual harrassment is always the funniest of all harrassments.

No. The funniest harrassment is releasing the seat-height lever on an officemate's chair with your foot. Over and over again. All day long.

bobby · 8th November 2007, 03:46 PM

the amount lessons cost, i'd probably take it rapid in exchange for a few free

Recipe For Hate · 8th November 2007, 03:53 PM

"When police arrested him they also found naked photos in the glove box of his Vauxhall Corsa."

How would one take naked photos of their car?

Bikerboy · 8th November 2007, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesMts

No. The funniest harrassment is releasing the seat-height lever on an officemate's chair with your foot. Over and over again. All day long.

Truth, particularly when they are serving customers.

Tommy Sports · 8th November 2007, 06:53 PM

Can't beat a spot of light-hearted sexual abuse.

Thee Alex · 8th November 2007, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesMts

No. The funniest harrassment is releasing the seat-height lever on an officemate's chair with your foot. Over and over again. All day long.

Even better is swapping the keys round on their keyboards so the top line of letters reads 'Q W A N K E R I O P'.

xdavidx · 8th November 2007, 07:05 PM

step one: hide mouseball/thin layer of tape over mouseball entry/electric tape over laser mouse. this is the warmup.

step two: use strips of tape to hold "chair-go-down" lever so the chair automatically descends when sat upon. remove single wheel from chair and hide to drastically enhance chances of person falling over.

step three: turn down contrast and brightness fully on monitor. turn off monitor. unplug monitor. unplug mouse. unplug keyboard. remove ctrl+alt+delete keys and hide (I like to tape them to the underside of the chair). re-arrange keys (as mentioned by Thee Alex above)

step four: gently unplug handset from phone so when it's answered the person is saying "hello" into a detached handset. get back to your desk and prepare to phone that person immediately on their return.

step five: ???

step six: profit.

humndislocation · 8th November 2007, 07:10 PM

I wrote a program a few years ago that keeps ejecting the CD drive repeatedly. I'll see if I can find it

^_mincher_^ · 8th November 2007, 07:22 PM

When I was nine I wrote a program that did nothing but lock your CD drive.

God, I'm coooool!

Thee Alex · 8th November 2007, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xdavidx

step one: hide mouseball/thin layer of tape over mouseball entry/electric tape over laser mouse. this is the warmup.

step two: use strips of tape to hold "chair-go-down" lever so the chair automatically descends when sat upon. remove single wheel from chair and hide to drastically enhance chances of person falling over.

step three: turn down contrast and brightness fully on monitor. turn off monitor. unplug monitor. unplug mouse. unplug keyboard. remove ctrl+alt+delete keys and hide (I like to tape them to the underside of the chair). re-arrange keys (as mentioned by Thee Alex above)

step four: gently unplug handset from phone so when it's answered the person is saying "hello" into a detached handset. get back to your desk and prepare to phone that person immediately on their return.

step five: ???

step six: profit.

I'll see all that and raise you the following for step four -

The paper put into the connection will prevent any signal so your colleague won't notice they have a call.

If they have those headsets with the foam covers a coin can be hidden, causing the sound to become muffled.

Finally, a small roll of paper shoved up the mouthpiece (small enough to be unnoticeable) will cause the customer to be unable to hear.

These three together can result in up to half an hour of confusion for your colleague.

Also see: replacing desktop icons with a wallpaper of a screenshot of the desktop. Delete the original icons and your colleague will be clicking away cursing his computer for not opening and software.

Step three can be further improved by using the 'scale' control

8th November 2007, 01:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
Zildjiain Wants to change his name Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Glasgow Posts: 913 Band: of Brothers	The Best News Story I've ever ever read. BBC NEWS \| England \| Tees \| Carrot 'joke' sex attacker guilty Genius.

8th November 2007, 01:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
Shawman Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Kirriemuir (fun) Posts: 2,505 Band: Error In Excellence (bass)	hero!

8th November 2007, 02:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lynnie Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Fragglerock Posts: 976	You mean sex is not a good exchange for free driving lessons

8th November 2007, 03:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bikerboy I loathe my username Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Errol outside Perth Posts: 1,732 Band: Sunset Squad, Out of Fucking Spite and B.G.O.M.	Hahaha, sexual harrassment is always the funniest of all harrassments. My mate got a carrot shoved in his ass when he was asleep at a party; a party I never attended.

8th November 2007, 03:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
bobby Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 3,757 Band: Swordmaster + Archives	the amount lessons cost, i'd probably take it rapid in exchange for a few free

8th November 2007, 03:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
Recipe For Hate Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Meigle Posts: 376	"When police arrested him they also found naked photos in the glove box of his Vauxhall Corsa." How would one take naked photos of their car?

8th November 2007, 06:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
Tommy Sports Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,635 Band: Juliet Kilo	Can't beat a spot of light-hearted sexual abuse.

8th November 2007, 07:05 PM	#11 (permalink)
xdavidx Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Glasgow. Posts: 6,996 Band: Spitelicker, LOLsquad.	step one: hide mouseball/thin layer of tape over mouseball entry/electric tape over laser mouse. this is the warmup. step two: use strips of tape to hold "chair-go-down" lever so the chair automatically descends when sat upon. remove single wheel from chair and hide to drastically enhance chances of person falling over. step three: turn down contrast and brightness fully on monitor. turn off monitor. unplug monitor. unplug mouse. unplug keyboard. remove ctrl+alt+delete keys and hide (I like to tape them to the underside of the chair). re-arrange keys (as mentioned by Thee Alex above) step four: gently unplug handset from phone so when it's answered the person is saying "hello" into a detached handset. get back to your desk and prepare to phone that person immediately on their return. step five: ??? step six: profit.

8th November 2007, 07:10 PM	#12 (permalink)
humndislocation Hardcore is serious guys Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 5,840 Band: Blasphemous Necrorapist	I wrote a program a few years ago that keeps ejecting the CD drive repeatedly. I'll see if I can find it

8th November 2007, 07:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
^_mincher_^ Senior Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Corstorphine/Dundee Posts: 1,522	When I was nine I wrote a program that did nothing but lock your CD drive. God, I'm coooool!