tales from tesco... part one.

[Craig_Equilibrium]

A customer asked me how much 7 fl oz. of creme fraiche would be in tubs, I said "I'm not too sure" (while reaching for a tub to check) and she came back with "Well your bloody hopeless then arn't you".

Oh sorry love, my aim in life was to know precisely how much 7 fl oz. was in tubs, it seems I have failed, I will go kill myself now.

cheeky cunt, I checked the tub and told her anyway, cos im a gid lad.

[Shawman]

damn i hate customers

this woman asked for this chilli stuff and asked me where it was. so i showed her and alas, the shelf was empty (it is the co-op after all). so i checked the shelf edge and said

"i doesn't look like we have it cuz it isn't tagged, i'll go have a look just in case though"

she said "okay"

so i go through the back to have a look for this chilli, i looked realy hard even though i was sure we didn't have it. so i go back onto the shop floor an find the lady

"sorry we don't have any in at the moment. maybe in tomor..."

doesn't let me finish and turn to the wifey she was with and says

"see, i told you, the workers do nothing for you these days, not a thing!"

i could've watched her choke on her fucking chilli when she said that! what the fuck was i meant to do? grow the ingredients and make my own chilli sauce right there and then?

bitch

[*Lyndsey*]

Not long had a call from the sales guy

Sales:Was on the website looking at the prices, yeah £170 yeah?
Me: Thats right, how can I help?
S:Well trying to work it out, that would be um...per quarter
M:...£510
S: hahaha no its not! theres 4 months in a quarter!
M: urrrrrrr...ok. Its £510 for THREE months which is £510 PER QUARTER
S: oh. IM STUPID!

And hangs up.

Scary people stories - my gran actually!
Took her to Tesco Extra the other day and she was insisting to one shelf stocker guy that he had to find her some booze called "Carissa" I managed to drag her away, cursing and moaning, to look for it while apologising to the guy all red faced. Couldnt find any, so panned her off with some pina colada. At this point she shouts "Youre a BITCH!" and I just manage to drag her up before she managed to re-enact that advert where the woman does a tantrum on the shop floor...Pity my grandad who doesnt have as much control as me : /

Also, when I worked at the gym, the ginger "tully" guy used to swagger in and bleather shite, try to steal a wee protein shake out the fridge and generally be an arse. We had party nights like the last Friday of every month and he came with his niece who was a member. I eventually cucked him out after he felt my arse for the 10th time that night and tried to grope some old womans boobs : /

[*Lyndsey*]

Ah and this is about as minging as Gords shit in the toilet roll dispensor story -

In the gym, in the members showers, sometimes the cleaners would find a wee jobby in both the male and female cubicles : /

Fucking disgusting

But one time, someone in the males showers had had EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA all over the shop! It was amazing how far up the fucking cubicle it got, was he aiming for the roof or something? I pity the cleaners : (

Oh and in the bin and the corner of the Sunbed Room, regularly we'd find things like condoms, a wee puddle of piss, nasty things like that.
And sometimes the sunbeds were smeared with, well...white liquid : /

Again - poor cleaners.

[*Lyndsey*]

Whats doing your head in at work right now?

I have a girl near me murdering Christmas songs

This wouldnt be so bad what with it being the FESTIVE period, but she's been doing it since fucking November

To make it worse, theres another girl fucking egging her on requesting the next tune ARGGGGH

We're getting to hear the raping of 12 days of Christmas...AGAIN

[Marco]

The managers in tesco are often just as bad as the customers though.

I won't name any names, But I have a manager who is a right fucking sad-sap job's worth, as soon as I see him squinting through his glasses at me...I know its coming...


"MARC OHHHHHHHHHHH!, HOWWWWWS IT GO-WING?" Fucking talk properly you moron!

And if you don't have such a foreign name as I do for him to fuck around with, he'll just take great delight in telling you: "Well, I've been working here for 15 years and I know all the tricks, ALL THE TRICKS! You'll not pull the wool over my eyes!"

Aghhh, some annoying customers are a blessing compared to that shite every saturday!

[(>.<)dave(o.O)]

Originally Posted by Afro Joe

I know the guy you mean Matt, it's a guy my friend Kris knows. Jason is his name i think. Really good singer, his loud voice normally drowns out his one chord anyway.

jason's a mentalist. nice enough guy though

[(>.<)dave(o.O)]

Originally Posted by *Lyndsey*

Ah and this is about as minging as Gords shit in the toilet roll dispensor story -

In the gym, in the members showers, sometimes the cleaners would find a wee jobby in both the male and female cubicles : /

Fucking disgusting

But one time, someone in the males showers had had EXPLOSIVE DIARRHOEA all over the shop! It was amazing how far up the fucking cubicle it got, was he aiming for the roof or something? I pity the cleaners : (

Oh and in the bin and the corner of the Sunbed Room, regularly we'd find things like condoms, a wee puddle of piss, nasty things like that.
And sometimes the sunbeds were smeared with, well...white liquid : /

Again - poor cleaners.

nasty....

reminds me the time some guy pissed in the tk maxx changing rooms.

[TNF]

Some dickhead posh up-themselves twats came in to my work and said: "We demand our £10 back, the person on the till has shortchanged our children!"

So i'm like: "Yeah, thats no bother I'll just go and balance a till"
Posh Dickheads: "This is totally unacceptable, I will not be able to send my children along to the shop for sweets anymore"
Me: "I'm sorry, its the guys first day on the till, i'm sure it was a mistake."
Dickheads: "This does not matter, he should have known what to do, I would like to complain to the manager!"
So I go and get the manager, they are going radge at her. And I was actually considering getting a bottle of whisky and smashing it their faces.

[jynx]

Originally Posted by Mike - Indi Rev

Someone wrote this message to go on a card with flowers he was sending to a female 'friend' :

"I can't wait to touch you again. I loved feeling how wet you were when I was fucking you up the ass.

Your secret admirer xxx"

Secret admirer??? I can just imagine some girl reading that thinking "Hmm...now I wonder which guy that fucked me up the ass recently has sent these lovely flowers."

I'm sure Gord will have some more Tesco stories to share too. I'll try to think of more myself aswell.

That stories class

[Hecate]

Originally Posted by TNF

Some dickhead posh up-themselves twats came in to my work and said: "We demand our £10 back, the person on the till has shortchanged our children!"

So i'm like: "Yeah, thats no bother I'll just go and balance a till"
Posh Dickheads: "This is totally unacceptable, I will not be able to send my children along to the shop for sweets anymore"
Me: "I'm sorry, its the guys first day on the till, i'm sure it was a mistake."
Dickheads: "This does not matter, he should have known what to do, I would like to complain to the manager!"
So I go and get the manager, they are going radge at her. And I was actually considering getting a bottle of whisky and smashing it their faces.

Sweets? They were given a £20 or £50 pound note for sweets?
Or did they have a £10 note, and because of the mistake were wanting all their money back? Bloody hell!

[chrono]

Toys R Us gets the lion's share of Dundee's cretins. People trying to return Woolworths own brand items and suchlike. I'm getting good at denying people refunds and cutting through their bullshit and sob stories. The quicker they learn that they have far less "rights" than they are led to believe, the better.

Get a lot of nice customers as well though. I like the old man who wanders around giving all the bemused staff a Wherthers Original. He rocks.

[Filthy Ritch]

one of the guys at my work caught do gay dudes bumming each other in the odeon toilet


everyone shudder with disgust...