tales from tesco... part one. - Page 4

: : Scott : : · 31st October 2003, 03:34 PM

pisser.

in the counting house we get drunken incoherent customers all the time.

ana_saba · 31st October 2003, 06:53 PM

ah work...

Primark has not been bad to me so far, an OAP came in asking for "sexy underware for his girlfriend" and then there was the time at customer services when an old dearie came back coz she'd been overcharged 5p...

*HeAtHeR* · 31st October 2003, 08:19 PM

we live in a fucked up world, lock up ur children!!

corduroyboy · 1st November 2003, 12:23 AM

Hmm. Amen to that.

This guy comes in every week in a filthy anorak with a new female relative to buy lingerie for... 18 years old he tells me, long legs, have you got anything tighter, short skirt, something with a slit in it, knee high socks, she's 18 years old, beautiful so she is, nice wee bum.. and he's telling me he's buying for his niece? OR his mates' cousin...

He let me see his shopping list once and it had "sexy nickers" written on it. He does this to the girls working here too, which I can maybe understand him getting kicks out of but ME? I don't get it.

Oh oh or the guy in a wheelchair you had to push around and shop for in my old work...

Him: Beans!
Me: dutifuly put beans in trolley and push him onwards to the next aisle
Him: Supernoodles!
Me: obediently get the noodles and we're off again, and this continues like this until the magazine/newspaper rack
Him: What's on TV?
Me: pick up Evening Telegraph and read aloud the TV page.. Uhmmm.. Blind Date at 8.. Stars in their eyes...
Him: IT'S THE NAME OF A MAGAZINE.

Legend has it that he drank himself into that wheelchair after inheriting a lot of money! Like that urban myth that the bearded beggar that lies down outside Arnotts won a fortune and gambled everything again and lost..

And that Elvis growling guy really does have something wrong with him, oh yeah, it's all smiles and RAAAWRS, tongue-in-cheek Elvis impressions, and cheeky winks for the kids during the day but I saw him when not performing and he just swears away to himself constantly... he still rocks though. He will support me if I ever get that band on the go...

Starla · 1st November 2003, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ana_saba

and then there was the time at customer services when an old dearie came back coz she'd been overcharged 5p...

Don't diss it man. Been there, done that, +would again.

corduroyboy · 1st November 2003, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starla

Don't diss it man. Been there, done that, +would again.

IT'S THE PRINCIPLE!

Starla · 1st November 2003, 12:59 AM

Indeed.

Hmm. I can't post in capital letters. Odd.

: : Scott : : · 1st November 2003, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ana_saba

ah work...

Primark has not been bad to me so far, an OAP came in asking for "sexy underware for his girlfriend" and then there was the time at customer services when an old dearie came back coz she'd been overcharged 5p...

i work with someone who works in primark. Mark? He hit me in the head with a baby tomato.

{valentine*} · 1st November 2003, 11:54 AM

The growling man scares me. He deliberately growls when i wlak past. One time i was on the bus and he sat next to me and started talking away but not really anything of anything... Annoying thing is that there was only 3 other people on the bus so it's not like there wasn't seats.

Ally G · 1st November 2003, 01:15 PM

i've spoke to that dude before, he likes eddie cochran.

1st November 2003, 01:38 PM

i work in sainsburys, customers ask me if we have stuff that aint on the shelves so i go through the back and ask the guys if we have any most of them time we dont. they are never happy no matter how hard u look for the stuff, so they turn round and say "im just going to go to asda/tesco!" and walk away. do they really think i give 2 shits about where they go to shop!!?!?!?!!

k^ra · 1st November 2003, 02:12 PM

Quote:

HER: small, brown, has wheels, kinda scruffy............
ME: WHEELS!?!?!?!?!?!

Heh, you shoulda known - it's not a proper dog if it aint got wheels :)

Wish I had some stories like this from my various work related stuff, but it seems hexham is a little too boring for weird customers like that, we just get people complaining about stuff :/

krashd · 2nd November 2003, 01:42 AM

We usually get approached by the 'tully guy', a wee 40-odd year old dude with ginger hair and the compulsory orange sack, he usually wanders up to us and gives us the rundown on the last 2 years of his life, he's harmless so we usually blether back and occasionally buy his wares. Problem was, we spoke to him in the Overgate 2 days ago and his solid dundee accent was replaced with an english accent.

Fruit!

And I just remembered this belter when I worked for a Home security thing ran by the dole, where folks who were unemployed would get shipped into Vans and made to do environmental duties, mine was luckily working with my cousin (a fellow bum) and a Qualified joiner doing security work. We had a job in a reasonably big house up by Baxter park/Swanny ponds that had umpteen bedrooms and only one little old lady owner, you know the sort that mutters on about the blitz and how "My charlie built this house with twigs and mud." We'd been working for about 3 hours, fitting locks on her windows, when she comes up to us and asks how she's meant to open her windows 'as they are stiff', we show her how to unlock them and open them (this took time, since she was obviously as deaf as they come) but she gives us all this spiel on how much of a hassle it is and asks us to remove them all. After we'd done every window in this bloody castle. We explain to her that the cause of her break-ins was due to shitty old 19th century window design and how she needs these locks, but she insists and we remove them all leaving big screwholes all over her window frames, then...

"Where's these window locks?? I was promised window locks! Who's in charge here??" to which our 'quite dundonian' Joiner replied "Jesus! Och geez a gobble!"

"I beg your pardon?"

My cousin (quite rebellious at the time) - "Are ya deef? He said 'Ham spank a doddle!'"

"I.. I can't quite catch that. speak up."

Me - "My boss was just enquiring if you've ever been to Chernobyl?"

At this my boss literally folds over in tears dropping a handful of tools and my cousin starts to dance a jig around this 'aged one', we decided to make good our escape, piled in the van, wrote 'not in' on the checksheet and thankfully we never heard anything more. Though I left 2 months later.

krashd · 2nd November 2003, 02:16 AM

Actually I only worked at the place for 6 months but I've got a tonne of stories, like Neds wanting to feed us our own limbs after waking them up in a notorious area of Douglas at 9:15am by grinding locks and bars in their 'closey'.

The time we had to play Rock/Paper/Scissors just to decide which of the 3 of us would do an entire pensioners flat on our own because "It pure reeks of pish in there man."

We were under orders to never, ever accept money from one of our jobs (cos old cunts in the past had phoned up later saying they were 10 quid short and we were thieves...), but needless to say some kind old buggers were persistent. One old man, after having offered like 15 times to give us money even popped 2 fivers thru his letterbox after we left and then locked the door. Bless 'im.

We were however told "you're allowed to accept cans though if someone offers", which we took as "get rampant pished lads". Some old guy offered myself and another lacky, called Boab a rum n' coke whilst we were applying a smoke detector to his front room, I hate rum but It was 11am and we were covered in cuts and paint so we accepted. We then chatted about fishtanks, pensions and the like for some time, Kenny was still at work and we accepted another rum n' coke. After about 20 minutes we started our 3rd rum n' coke (this guy obviously hadn't seen humans for some time.) moments later Kenny yelled for us and we downed the last of our glasses and made for the door. We would have made it to the door if it wasn't for Boab's foot snagging on the rug, sending him into me, me through the guy's kitchen door and the old man's biscuit tray into space. Got home early that day.

Oh aye, and some wee 9 year old wido in Ardler starts giving me his jurisdiction whilst Danny just stands and pisses himself...

Kid - "Eh could batter you."

Me - "You're so sweet!"

Kid - "Eh?? Ah wull, and mah dad."

Me - "You'd batter yer dad?"

Kid - "Dinna git funny. You're gittin' punched!"

Me - "You've never tried this shit on someone with powertools before..." Then I chased him round the side of his house with the battery-operated screwdriver in one hand and the live grinder in the other fucking Jason-style. Great fun.

I miss t

1st November 2003, 12:59 AM	#52 (permalink)
Starla Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Dundee... I mean, Glasgow Posts: 2,065	Indeed. Hmm. I can't post in capital letters. Odd. Last edited by starla : 1st November 2003 at 01:03 AM.

2nd November 2003, 01:42 AM	#58 (permalink)
krashd Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Kirktonia Posts: 2,064 Band: Crosby, Stills, Nash, krashd and Young	We usually get approached by the 'tully guy', a wee 40-odd year old dude with ginger hair and the compulsory orange sack, he usually wanders up to us and gives us the rundown on the last 2 years of his life, he's harmless so we usually blether back and occasionally buy his wares. Problem was, we spoke to him in the Overgate 2 days ago and his solid dundee accent was replaced with an english accent. Fruit! And I just remembered this belter when I worked for a Home security thing ran by the dole, where folks who were unemployed would get shipped into Vans and made to do environmental duties, mine was luckily working with my cousin (a fellow bum) and a Qualified joiner doing security work. We had a job in a reasonably big house up by Baxter park/Swanny ponds that had umpteen bedrooms and only one little old lady owner, you know the sort that mutters on about the blitz and how "My charlie built this house with twigs and mud." We'd been working for about 3 hours, fitting locks on her windows, when she comes up to us and asks how she's meant to open her windows 'as they are stiff', we show her how to unlock them and open them (this took time, since she was obviously as deaf as they come) but she gives us all this spiel on how much of a hassle it is and asks us to remove them all. After we'd done every window in this bloody castle. We explain to her that the cause of her break-ins was due to shitty old 19th century window design and how she needs these locks, but she insists and we remove them all leaving big screwholes all over her window frames, then... "Where's these window locks?? I was promised window locks! Who's in charge here??" to which our 'quite dundonian' Joiner replied "Jesus! Och geez a gobble!" "I beg your pardon?" My cousin (quite rebellious at the time) - "Are ya deef? He said 'Ham spank a doddle!'" "I.. I can't quite catch that. speak up." Me - "My boss was just enquiring if you've ever been to Chernobyl?" At this my boss literally folds over in tears dropping a handful of tools and my cousin starts to dance a jig around this 'aged one', we decided to make good our escape, piled in the van, wrote 'not in' on the checksheet and thankfully we never heard anything more. Though I left 2 months later. Last edited by krashd : 2nd November 2003 at 02:34 AM.

31st October 2003, 03:34 PM	#46 (permalink)
: : Scott : : Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 7,138	pisser. in the counting house we get drunken incoherent customers all the time.

31st October 2003, 06:53 PM	#47 (permalink)
ana_saba Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: motherhell, near glasgow Posts: 1,209	ah work... Primark has not been bad to me so far, an OAP came in asking for "sexy underware for his girlfriend" and then there was the time at customer services when an old dearie came back coz she'd been overcharged 5p...

31st October 2003, 08:19 PM	#48 (permalink)
HeAtHeR Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Greenock Posts: 644	we live in a fucked up world, lock up ur children!!

1st November 2003, 12:23 AM	#49 (permalink)
corduroyboy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Harajuku. Posts: 2,205 Band: The Jasper Conran Affair, Lord and Lady of the Manor, 100 Worried Mothers, Slev=>Cheq	Hmm. Amen to that. This guy comes in every week in a filthy anorak with a new female relative to buy lingerie for... 18 years old he tells me, long legs, have you got anything tighter, short skirt, something with a slit in it, knee high socks, she's 18 years old, beautiful so she is, nice wee bum.. and he's telling me he's buying for his niece? OR his mates' cousin... He let me see his shopping list once and it had "sexy nickers" written on it. He does this to the girls working here too, which I can maybe understand him getting kicks out of but ME? I don't get it. Oh oh or the guy in a wheelchair you had to push around and shop for in my old work... Him: Beans! Me: dutifuly put beans in trolley and push him onwards to the next aisle Him: Supernoodles! Me: obediently get the noodles and we're off again, and this continues like this until the magazine/newspaper rack Him: What's on TV? Me: pick up Evening Telegraph and read aloud the TV page.. Uhmmm.. Blind Date at 8.. Stars in their eyes... Him: IT'S THE NAME OF A MAGAZINE. Legend has it that he drank himself into that wheelchair after inheriting a lot of money! Like that urban myth that the bearded beggar that lies down outside Arnotts won a fortune and gambled everything again and lost.. And that Elvis growling guy really does have something wrong with him, oh yeah, it's all smiles and RAAAWRS, tongue-in-cheek Elvis impressions, and cheeky winks for the kids during the day but I saw him when not performing and he just swears away to himself constantly... he still rocks though. He will support me if I ever get that band on the go...

1st November 2003, 11:54 AM	#54 (permalink)
{valentine*} everybody needs somebody Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 4,198	The growling man scares me. He deliberately growls when i wlak past. One time i was on the bus and he sat next to me and started talking away but not really anything of anything... Annoying thing is that there was only 3 other people on the bus so it's not like there wasn't seats.

1st November 2003, 01:15 PM	#55 (permalink)
Ally G Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 2,506	i've spoke to that dude before, he likes eddie cochran.

1st November 2003, 01:38 PM	#56 (permalink)
Lou Posts: n/a	i work in sainsburys, customers ask me if we have stuff that aint on the shelves so i go through the back and ask the guys if we have any most of them time we dont. they are never happy no matter how hard u look for the stuff, so they turn round and say "im just going to go to asda/tesco!" and walk away. do they really think i give 2 shits about where they go to shop!!?!?!?!!