tales from tesco... part one. - Page 5

ana_saba · 2nd November 2003, 02:36 AM

again Primark

scene a hard looking ned in his late twenties is left in the shop in charge of his son whilst his kappa adorned wife is trying on a dress. The little boy becomes very interrested in the bright pink cases that contain eye shadow and lip stick....

boy "daddy a wan that!"
dad "naw!"
boy "how?"
dad "its fur wee lassies!"
boy "a dun care a want it - its pink!"
dad "ya fuckin wee poof!"

boy grabes the makeup set and the dad promptly clouts him across the head with it. boy starts to cry, mum comes out changing rooms and tells the kid that "he's no gettin a mcdonalds for actin like a gay wee lassie"

*Boy screams his head off*

and i had to go pick the makeup set up after it had been belted across the kids head. Oh i do love my job...

jaded_wreckless · 2nd November 2003, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marco_Equilibrium

I've never seen the guy with the one chord and no strap, but the growling bastard isn't even supposed to be aloud to busk there anymore. He sexualy harrased to 2 girls and was taken to court about it.

really??!!! ugh hes horrible he wants to shut the fuck up and shove his growling up his ass. cunt.

Starla · 2nd November 2003, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ana_saba

dad "ya fuckin wee poof!"

Oh my god. That's like something from a Chewing The Fat sketch.

*tries to stop herself from laughing*

k^ra · 2nd November 2003, 01:51 PM

I actually did piss myself laughing at these, but since I'm always in here laughing at something, the library is getting used to me

Feel really sorry for that kid tho, from the sounds of it he'll probably grow up with some issues :/

grindpig666 · 2nd November 2003, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krashd

"Are ya deef? He said 'Ham spank a doddle!'"

magic, lol

Chunderbunny · 2nd November 2003, 03:47 PM

I used to work as an employment officer in the Job Centre (awaits cursing). One day, this guy comes in, calmly signs on, then goes across the road to the newsagents, pulls out a gun and robs the place.

Two weeks later, he comes back to sign on. Police are behind the desks, and as he's signing, bam! They jump across the desks and nab him.

Fuck me is the world full of idiots

gord · 2nd November 2003, 10:02 PM

this one time, there was a guy in the store who shat himself. Now, any ordinary person would run home immediately, but not this fellow. He went to the customer toilets to clean himself up. Now, any ordinary person would put their shit filled underwear in the bin, but not this fellow. He duly shoved the underpants into the toilet roll dispenser. To this day I feel so so sorry for the next person who went in to wipe their arse....

corduroyboy · 2nd November 2003, 10:58 PM

Mm. Someone pissed in carrier bags in the changing rooms. Don't get it when there are plenty of customer toilets..

And damn those child-safe airholes in the bottom of the bag...

ana_saba · 2nd November 2003, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by corduroyboy

Mm. Someone pissed in carrier bags in the changing rooms. Don't get it when there are plenty of customer toilets..

And damn those child-safe airholes in the bottom of the bag...

oh nasty!

azpazzagus · 20th November 2003, 12:12 PM

i really liked this thread but it died....

weel here is my tale from tesco....

on tueday i was minding my own buisness and heading across to the front desk when and old lady comes up and goes
Lady: excuse me but why are the fresh flowers at the front door?
me: I don't know.sorry
Lady:well I want to complain
Me:would you like a manager
Lady:yes i would, i am going to sue this company,they were very expensive
Me:what where?
Lady:my teeth

Conclusion---- lady had hayfever and when walking past the flowers had sneezed badly and they had flown out and gone underneath the magazine rack, the bloke on flowers(Iain??) had to stick his hand under and retrieve them
it was VERY funny!! they were all soggy and covered in dust,apperently they had food trapped in them too!!!!!!!!

Downie · 20th November 2003, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ana_saba

boy "daddy a wan that!"
dad "naw!"
boy "how?"
dad "its fur wee lassies!"
boy "a dun care a want it - its pink!"
dad "ya fuckin wee poof!"

That fuckin dick! That kid is gonna have a shit life. I feel so sorry for him.His dad is an ignorant fuckwit!

xdavidx · 20th November 2003, 01:09 PM

haha sorry I think that ned story is hilarious.

I used to work at a call centre, so thankfully the people I spoke to weren't in physical contact range, I reckon I'd be dead by now if they were.

one time this guy called Dave Evans had this massive problem that meant his broadband wasn't going to be installed for like 2 weeks, and he called up and repeatedly threatened to arrest people, and one time he called up just to ask about cereal. everyone was aware of him and he was like a big joke, but then he phoned and I got him. he called to tell me to inform BT he was going to pop down to his local phone exchange and install his broadband himself. so I phoned BT and we all had a nice laugh about it. half an hour later some poor engineer called up because there was some lunatic kicking the door of the local exchange trying to get in. fucking nutter.

and just before I left, i got this amazing guy on the phone, seriously, he was proper bo. he asked me some boring stuff, and then he just started chatting. he was all 'YEH MAN WIKKID INNIT, PROPA BO, GET YOUR ARSE DOWN TO BRIGHTON AT THE WEEKEND MAN, DERE'S 5 WOMANS FOR EVERY MAN COS OF ALL THE BATTYS DOWN THERE, INNIT' then he was telling me about his motorbike and how it was 'A FUCKIN FANNY MAGNET INNIT, PROPER BO'

Friend of a Friend · 20th November 2003, 06:24 PM

I worked at the BT call centre and heard about that Dave Evans guy, hahahah class

There's so many funny stories from working there, some real thick people in this world and they all want broadband!

St.Magumba · 20th November 2003, 06:56 PM

As a nurse i regularly have to shove my fingers up people's arses......

One particular day as i was inserting suppositries in a very constipated gentlemans rear end this conversation took place.....

Me : Ok, this might be uncomfortable but not painful...just relax!
Patient : So this will clear my migraines will it?
Me : Not exactly....suppositries encourage your bowels to move.
Patient : Move where?
Me : They dont go anywhere exactly...the suppositries just make you ready for the toilet.
Patient : I'm not ready for the toilet.
Me : Hence the suppositries!
Patient : Oh right i get it! Fire away!

Happy to say he did a 3 stoner later on that day!

20th November 2003, 12:12 PM	#70 (permalink)
azpazzagus la Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: dundee Posts: 1,806 Band: i used to play cello for the a forest	why i really liked this thread but it died.... weel here is my tale from tesco.... on tueday i was minding my own buisness and heading across to the front desk when and old lady comes up and goes Lady: excuse me but why are the fresh flowers at the front door? me: I don't know.sorry Lady:well I want to complain Me:would you like a manager Lady:yes i would, i am going to sue this company,they were very expensive Me:what where? Lady:my teeth Conclusion---- lady had hayfever and when walking past the flowers had sneezed badly and they had flown out and gone underneath the magazine rack, the bloke on flowers(Iain??) had to stick his hand under and retrieve them it was VERY funny!! they were all soggy and covered in dust,apperently they had food trapped in them too!!!!!!!!

2nd November 2003, 02:36 AM	#61 (permalink)
ana_saba Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: motherhell, near glasgow Posts: 1,209	again Primark scene a hard looking ned in his late twenties is left in the shop in charge of his son whilst his kappa adorned wife is trying on a dress. The little boy becomes very interrested in the bright pink cases that contain eye shadow and lip stick.... boy "daddy a wan that!" dad "naw!" boy "how?" dad "its fur wee lassies!" boy "a dun care a want it - its pink!" dad "ya fuckin wee poof!" boy grabes the makeup set and the dad promptly clouts him across the head with it. boy starts to cry, mum comes out changing rooms and tells the kid that "he's no gettin a mcdonalds for actin like a gay wee lassie" Boy screams his head off and i had to go pick the makeup set up after it had been belted across the kids head. Oh i do love my job...

2nd November 2003, 01:51 PM	#64 (permalink)
k^ra Registered User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 35	I actually did piss myself laughing at these, but since I'm always in here laughing at something, the library is getting used to me Feel really sorry for that kid tho, from the sounds of it he'll probably grow up with some issues :/

2nd November 2003, 03:47 PM	#66 (permalink)
Chunderbunny Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 887	I used to work as an employment officer in the Job Centre (awaits cursing). One day, this guy comes in, calmly signs on, then goes across the road to the newsagents, pulls out a gun and robs the place. Two weeks later, he comes back to sign on. Police are behind the desks, and as he's signing, bam! They jump across the desks and nab him. Fuck me is the world full of idiots

2nd November 2003, 10:02 PM	#67 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,728	this one time, there was a guy in the store who shat himself. Now, any ordinary person would run home immediately, but not this fellow. He went to the customer toilets to clean himself up. Now, any ordinary person would put their shit filled underwear in the bin, but not this fellow. He duly shoved the underpants into the toilet roll dispenser. To this day I feel so so sorry for the next person who went in to wipe their arse....

2nd November 2003, 10:58 PM	#68 (permalink)
corduroyboy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Harajuku. Posts: 2,205 Band: The Jasper Conran Affair, Lord and Lady of the Manor, 100 Worried Mothers, Slev=>Cheq	Mm. Someone pissed in carrier bags in the changing rooms. Don't get it when there are plenty of customer toilets.. And damn those child-safe airholes in the bottom of the bag...

20th November 2003, 01:09 PM	#72 (permalink)
xdavidx Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Glasgow. Posts: 6,998 Band: Spitelicker, LOLsquad.	haha sorry I think that ned story is hilarious. I used to work at a call centre, so thankfully the people I spoke to weren't in physical contact range, I reckon I'd be dead by now if they were. one time this guy called Dave Evans had this massive problem that meant his broadband wasn't going to be installed for like 2 weeks, and he called up and repeatedly threatened to arrest people, and one time he called up just to ask about cereal. everyone was aware of him and he was like a big joke, but then he phoned and I got him. he called to tell me to inform BT he was going to pop down to his local phone exchange and install his broadband himself. so I phoned BT and we all had a nice laugh about it. half an hour later some poor engineer called up because there was some lunatic kicking the door of the local exchange trying to get in. fucking nutter. and just before I left, i got this amazing guy on the phone, seriously, he was proper bo. he asked me some boring stuff, and then he just started chatting. he was all 'YEH MAN WIKKID INNIT, PROPA BO, GET YOUR ARSE DOWN TO BRIGHTON AT THE WEEKEND MAN, DERE'S 5 WOMANS FOR EVERY MAN COS OF ALL THE BATTYS DOWN THERE, INNIT' then he was telling me about his motorbike and how it was 'A FUCKIN FANNY MAGNET INNIT, PROPER BO'

20th November 2003, 06:24 PM	#73 (permalink)
Friend of a Friend Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Miles away Posts: 1,440	I worked at the BT call centre and heard about that Dave Evans guy, hahahah class There's so many funny stories from working there, some real thick people in this world and they all want broadband!

20th November 2003, 06:56 PM	#74 (permalink)
St.Magumba Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Kilmarnock. Posts: 2,250	As a nurse i regularly have to shove my fingers up people's arses...... One particular day as i was inserting suppositries in a very constipated gentlemans rear end this conversation took place..... Me : Ok, this might be uncomfortable but not painful...just relax! Patient : So this will clear my migraines will it? Me : Not exactly....suppositries encourage your bowels to move. Patient : Move where? Me : They dont go anywhere exactly...the suppositries just make you ready for the toilet. Patient : I'm not ready for the toilet. Me : Hence the suppositries! Patient : Oh right i get it! Fire away! Happy to say he did a 3 stoner later on that day!