tales from tesco... part one.

gord · 30th October 2003, 03:05 PM

had this rather amusing conversation with a customer today.

customer: excuse me, where is the soup?
me: is that fresh soup you're after?
customer: the soup that comes in cartons
me: well, our fresh soup comes in cartons, but we also have Knorr soup in cartons, which isn't fresh
customer: no, i said cartons
me: i know, but do you want it fresh? like, from the fridge?
customer: i always buy it here, do you not have any cartons?
me: i can show you to the fresh soup... it's right around here

(long pause)

customer: i'd like to speak to a manager.

SabuNation · 30th October 2003, 03:10 PM

customers are bloody idiotic at the best of times. when working at UGC some person came out the screen and said "its too dark in there, can you fix it....."

matt · 30th October 2003, 03:15 PM

a funny shoe store tale.

a middle aged lady works in

lady: excuse me, do you have a toilet in here?
me: yeah, but it's a staff toilet
lady: can i use it
me: i don't think so, it's a staff toilet you see, it's behind the door that says staff only
lady: don't you like customers?
me: yeah, the nice ones
lady: can i speak to the manger?
me: sure
*manageress comes in*
me: are customers allowed to use the STAFF toilet
manageress: no sorry
the lady walked out yelling and ranting

fucker.

matt · 30th October 2003, 03:18 PM

AND THEN! SAME DAY! SAME LADY

i'm walking tidying the ailes and she comes back in, and it's clear shes following me around. she follows me for a few mins then i turn round.

lady: are you following me?!
me: no!
lady: good.

fucking werido.

fucker.

njw · 30th October 2003, 03:27 PM

working on a strawberry farm.....

Customer drives in, and pays for 2 baskets of pick your own... she and her son go out to pick them, then goes home... an hour later the same woman comes back, and complains that the strawberries she got here werent fresh...

Tommy Sports · 30th October 2003, 03:31 PM

when i worked in lidl.......

customer - "do you have any whipped cream?"
me - "i dunno, probably, look in the fridge thingy"
customer - "i just did, i couldnt see any"
me - "we probably dont have any then"
customer - "aw shit, i really need some"

(customer makes a phone call for about 5 minutes and gets directed around the store by the person on the other end)

customer - "can i speak to the manager please?"
manager - "no sorry we dont have any"

(customer makes another phone call this time even longer and seems very stressed)

10 minutes later he arrives at my checkout with 5 packs of mushrooms and says "this is tesco's isnt it?"

i started laughing uncontrolably and point at one of the many lidl signs hanging from the roof

customer runs out mumbling and leaves his mushrooms at the till.

also from lidl just after xmas, we were giving away all the leftover xmas cakes

me - "help yourself to one of those cakes"
extremely excited old man customer - "A FREE ISSUE???, what is it????
BISCUITS?????"

Jamie The CFH · 30th October 2003, 03:32 PM

hehehe, i've got a tesco one too...

(around october last year)

customer: "hi there, i was wondering if you have any fresh turkeys for Christmas?"

me: "no sorry, they don't come in until nearer christmas, we have a few frozen ones though, would you like me to show you?"

customer: "na, i really was looking for a fresh one"

me: "surely you'd have to freeze that for it to keep til' christmas though?"

customer: "hmm, yeah, but i'd rather freeze it at home"

me: *slowly backs off from psycho consumer!*

SabuNation · 30th October 2003, 03:36 PM

just wants to make ya punch some common sense and logic into these folk

think before ya speak

Becca Bomb · 30th October 2003, 03:54 PM

hehe - heres one from when i worked in a bank call centre, one of the many dottled old wifeys that used to ring in:

dottled wifey - (just as the phone is answered before a greeting) -" I CAN'T HEAR YOU...i CAN'T HEAR YOU...!"

guy on phone next to me - "thats because I didnt say anything"

When I worked at Tesco clubcard -

Customer - My dvd has broken
Me - erm, this is tesco clubcard
custonmer - my dvd just broke
Me - I think you have the wrong number - this is TESCO CLUBCARD
customer - yes, thats right. i have the number, my dvd has broke, can you send someone out? my address is.....blah blah

Me - *hangs up* (I had a hangover that day

Friend of a Friend · 30th October 2003, 04:08 PM

When I worked at the BT call centre for BT Openworld I had loads of idiots everyday but one stood out.

This guy called up to say he'd got his broadband stuff and installed it but it wasn't working. I when throught the steps to see if it was working or not, the lights were on and it all seemed fine.

I asked what he got when he turned it on and it sounded like he had Internet explorer up and the BT OPenworld homepage - this would suggest it was working.

I tried to explain but he started yelling and saying how he wants all his money back. Then he started saying he wants a manager and got more and more irate. I didn't want to put him onto a supervisor cos it was such a pointless call, but eventually I had to.

We are now half an hour into the call, the supervisor was speaking to him and getting yelled at too. Together we had to try and explain to him how to type in an address and hit return, just to see if he was connected - this took 20 mins!

When we finally convinced him that his broadband was working and all he needed to do was to learn to use it he just said, "Bye" and hung up.

It was because of cocks like that I left the stupid job.

Marco · 30th October 2003, 04:10 PM

Last week at work someone in the cafe broke their tooth on a sausage!

Jamie The CFH · 30th October 2003, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marco_Equilibrium

Last week at work someone in the cafe broke their tooth on a sausage!

haha, you must be an excellent chef

.star* · 30th October 2003, 04:34 PM

Ages and ages ago a lady came into my work (a card shop) and asked if we sold hammers! I just kinda looked at her in disbelief. Later on the same day I was telling by bud about this and he asked what she looked like so I described her and stuff and it turned out that she went to Safeways and picked up a tin from one of those pyramids that they build outta stuff, except, she chose one from the bottom and as all the tins or whatever rolled down the aisles she simply said "oh I didn't think that would happen"

gord · 30th October 2003, 05:03 PM

i've been at tescos for three years now, i have so many stories...

one day i'll tell you all about Mister Shitty, Mr Mushroom Masturbator, Baffie Man, and a whole host of other characters.

the mister shitty story is particularly nasty.

I also worked at the new store at Dundee Kingsway in it's opening week, you'd be surprised at how many customers were completely baffled by a new store...

30th October 2003, 03:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,728	tales from tesco... part one. had this rather amusing conversation with a customer today. customer: excuse me, where is the soup? me: is that fresh soup you're after? customer: the soup that comes in cartons me: well, our fresh soup comes in cartons, but we also have Knorr soup in cartons, which isn't fresh customer: no, i said cartons me: i know, but do you want it fresh? like, from the fridge? customer: i always buy it here, do you not have any cartons? me: i can show you to the fresh soup... it's right around here (long pause) customer: i'd like to speak to a manager.

30th October 2003, 03:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
njw Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: DD1 Posts: 8,235	working on a strawberry farm..... Customer drives in, and pays for 2 baskets of pick your own... she and her son go out to pick them, then goes home... an hour later the same woman comes back, and complains that the strawberries she got here werent fresh... __________________ You can put a cat in the oven, but that doesn't make it a biscuit.

30th October 2003, 03:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
SabuNation Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 3,278 Band: Inches from the Mainland	customers are bloody idiotic at the best of times. when working at UGC some person came out the screen and said "its too dark in there, can you fix it....."

30th October 2003, 03:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
matt Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Perth Posts: 3,403	a funny shoe store tale. a middle aged lady works in lady: excuse me, do you have a toilet in here? me: yeah, but it's a staff toilet lady: can i use it me: i don't think so, it's a staff toilet you see, it's behind the door that says staff only lady: don't you like customers? me: yeah, the nice ones lady: can i speak to the manger? me: sure manageress comes in me: are customers allowed to use the STAFF toilet manageress: no sorry the lady walked out yelling and ranting fucker.

30th October 2003, 03:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
matt Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Perth Posts: 3,403	AND THEN! SAME DAY! SAME LADY i'm walking tidying the ailes and she comes back in, and it's clear shes following me around. she follows me for a few mins then i turn round. lady: are you following me?! me: no! lady: good. fucking werido. fucker.

30th October 2003, 03:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
Tommy Sports Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,673 Band: Juliet Kilo R.I.P., Gong Fei, Dormant Figure.	when i worked in lidl....... customer - "do you have any whipped cream?" me - "i dunno, probably, look in the fridge thingy" customer - "i just did, i couldnt see any" me - "we probably dont have any then" customer - "aw shit, i really need some" (customer makes a phone call for about 5 minutes and gets directed around the store by the person on the other end) customer - "can i speak to the manager please?" manager - "no sorry we dont have any" (customer makes another phone call this time even longer and seems very stressed) 10 minutes later he arrives at my checkout with 5 packs of mushrooms and says "this is tesco's isnt it?" i started laughing uncontrolably and point at one of the many lidl signs hanging from the roof customer runs out mumbling and leaves his mushrooms at the till. also from lidl just after xmas, we were giving away all the leftover xmas cakes me - "help yourself to one of those cakes" extremely excited old man customer - "A FREE ISSUE???, what is it???? BISCUITS?????"

30th October 2003, 03:32 PM	#7 (permalink)
Jamie The CFH Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 839	hehehe, i've got a tesco one too... (around october last year) customer: "hi there, i was wondering if you have any fresh turkeys for Christmas?" me: "no sorry, they don't come in until nearer christmas, we have a few frozen ones though, would you like me to show you?" customer: "na, i really was looking for a fresh one" me: "surely you'd have to freeze that for it to keep til' christmas though?" customer: "hmm, yeah, but i'd rather freeze it at home" me: slowly backs off from psycho consumer!

30th October 2003, 03:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
SabuNation Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 3,278 Band: Inches from the Mainland	just wants to make ya punch some common sense and logic into these folk think before ya speak

30th October 2003, 03:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
Becca Bomb Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: the ghost train Posts: 3,738 Band: The Leatherettes	hehe - heres one from when i worked in a bank call centre, one of the many dottled old wifeys that used to ring in: dottled wifey - (just as the phone is answered before a greeting) -" I CAN'T HEAR YOU...i CAN'T HEAR YOU...!" guy on phone next to me - "thats because I didnt say anything" When I worked at Tesco clubcard - Customer - My dvd has broken Me - erm, this is tesco clubcard custonmer - my dvd just broke Me - I think you have the wrong number - this is TESCO CLUBCARD customer - yes, thats right. i have the number, my dvd has broke, can you send someone out? my address is.....blah blah Me - hangs up (I had a hangover that day

30th October 2003, 04:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
Friend of a Friend Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Miles away Posts: 1,440	When I worked at the BT call centre for BT Openworld I had loads of idiots everyday but one stood out. This guy called up to say he'd got his broadband stuff and installed it but it wasn't working. I when throught the steps to see if it was working or not, the lights were on and it all seemed fine. I asked what he got when he turned it on and it sounded like he had Internet explorer up and the BT OPenworld homepage - this would suggest it was working. I tried to explain but he started yelling and saying how he wants all his money back. Then he started saying he wants a manager and got more and more irate. I didn't want to put him onto a supervisor cos it was such a pointless call, but eventually I had to. We are now half an hour into the call, the supervisor was speaking to him and getting yelled at too. Together we had to try and explain to him how to type in an address and hit return, just to see if he was connected - this took 20 mins! When we finally convinced him that his broadband was working and all he needed to do was to learn to use it he just said, "Bye" and hung up. It was because of cocks like that I left the stupid job.

30th October 2003, 04:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
Marco Scream for me Norwich! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Dundee, Scotland Posts: 2,765 Band: Darkened Place	Last week at work someone in the cafe broke their tooth on a sausage!

30th October 2003, 04:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
.star* Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,186	Ages and ages ago a lady came into my work (a card shop) and asked if we sold hammers! I just kinda looked at her in disbelief. Later on the same day I was telling by bud about this and he asked what she looked like so I described her and stuff and it turned out that she went to Safeways and picked up a tin from one of those pyramids that they build outta stuff, except, she chose one from the bottom and as all the tins or whatever rolled down the aisles she simply said "oh I didn't think that would happen"

30th October 2003, 05:03 PM	#14 (permalink)
gord of the rings Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dundee Posts: 2,728	i've been at tescos for three years now, i have so many stories... one day i'll tell you all about Mister Shitty, Mr Mushroom Masturbator, Baffie Man, and a whole host of other characters. the mister shitty story is particularly nasty. I also worked at the new store at Dundee Kingsway in it's opening week, you'd be surprised at how many customers were completely baffled by a new store...