5 a side

[kj]

*yawn*

I'd rather go watch Cowdenbeath playing footie than these two sides.

Bah.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

A thrilling encounter on Thursday night finished in a win for Merocaine by the narrowest of margins. 15mins into stoppage time and with the illfunk supporters screaming for the full time whistle, Kiddo strode up to send an unstoppable drive past Simmie in the Illfunk goal to make it 15-14!!! The devastation in the Illfunk camp was plain to see. Broken spirits and hearts were strewn across the playing field. Merocaine celebrated, and took the coveted CEF sponsored McGowan trophy back to Dundee. An open-top bus procession is scheduled for tuesday. In his after match interview, Burton (of Merocaine), said, "Well that is what the cup is all about. Passion was there in great volumes for both teams. Both wanted to win it, but in the end our better fitness paid off." Illfunk declined an after match press conference. However it is believed that after the match, the squad was kept in the dressing rooms for an hour for some extra talking from manager Burton. Captain Pogarzelic's postition as skipper of the team has been brought into question as there wasa significant quietness about the Illfunk team on the field. Positives for Illfunk was the good performance of new signing Mal from Virgin Athletic. Following the departure of Kenny G to Arsenal, there was a renewed interest from Illfunk for the Virgin star, and a deal was concluded 24 hours before kick off. Over the road at Merocaine, Doug Paton was noticably absent, replaced by an un-named trialist from Aberdeen. The match was marred by crowd trouble after the game in which the Japanese death team was brought in to quell the hooligans.

[1010011010]

INDEPENDENCE DAY.......

In an enthralling encounter, Meroca!ne were finally put to the sword by the battling ill funk squad. This was a triumph of old fashioned grafting by the victors, over the silky cosmopolitan play preferred by Meroca!ne.

Throughout the match, ill funk were first to the ball, and showed a real appetite for the game. Meroca!ne by contrast, were lethargic and at some points disinterested by the whole affair.

Speculation is now rife that these highly paid primadonnas, who displayed a total lack of committment, will be put on the transfer market.

ill funk, through some shrewd manipulation of he transfer system, managed to secure "DAVE" for the fixture, and a work permit was signed literally hours before the game.

Dave, formerly of NCR, who was made available on a Bosman, signed on the line at 3.00pm that day.

PLAYER RATINGS
==============

ill funk

mcgowan ****
pogorzelec ****
grogan ****
burton ****
reid ****
DAVE ****

meroca!ne

suave barton ***
gav burton **
dug *****
rhino **
nelly ***

Berti Vogts was seen to approach mcgowan after the match and it will be interesting to find out what the Scotland supremo had to say to the Welsh Wing Wizard.

Jock Brown
BBC Scotland

Merocaine's unbeaten run finally came to an end on Thursday. Merocaine lost the match 12-10 after an epic encounter full of drama. Manager Burton refused to give the excuse of keeper Barton's broken finger as an excuse. "We simply didn't play well enough. The better team won on the day. Once we went 2 up, we stopped playing." It was a very dissappointing end to a dissappointing week where it was revealed by 'Sunsport' that Merocaine's attempt to lure Oakely from Aberdeen had failed due to the player being unable to agree personal terms. Also missing from the squad on Thursday was Merocaine goal-machine Kiddo. A damaged achilles meant he had to sit out the match. Paton who was only 70% fit looked noticably out of his depth. However, although the Illfunk celebrations will continue long into the weekend, player/manager Burton's celebrations may be cut short. SFA officials are studying T.V. evidence which caught a clash with his brother Gavin Burton. Illfunk's Burton seemed to lash out after losing the ball, and there could possibly be a minimum 3 match suspension for the Illfunk supremo. Merocaine boss Burton however stated he will not let the heads go down, and Merocaine will be back to their international best next week which is the last match before the weeks break to allow for International committments.

Bill Leckie

The Sun's Sport Correspondant

[LimpKnot]

bah.

<small>[ 08 July 2002, 05:30 PM: edited by: LimpKnot ]</small>

[LimpKnot]

U SUK

[1010011010]

erm......

If you're going to insult people please spell things properly.

"U SUK"

I assume you mean "You suck"

And who are you referring to anyway?
And what does he/she/they suck?
And how often does he/she/they suck?

You really must elaborate.

Anyways, this is a football topic.

Post your infantile nonsense elsewhere.

You suck, by the way.

[1010011010]

This really was a game of two halves. A tense, first half where neither side really seemed to be willing to take chances, suddenly exploded into a goal frenzy.

For the first time in a long time - it was the illfunk boys who shone through. They revelled in the ideal conditions of the Drumoig centre and at one point seemed to be scoring at will. The final score of 12-8 actually flattered Meroca!ne.

ill funk fielded a slightly different squad this week, choosing to give Young Mike his first full game for a while.Mal's ongoing international committments meant he was unavailable for the fixture.

Meroca!ne seemed to lose the plot and really lost their appetite for the game and it was a sorry sight to see these former stars embarassing themselves.ill funk's prolific striker, Burton's nutmeg on the hapless Suave Barton summed up the whole sorry affair.

Man of the Match : Alan Reid
Goal of the Season : Stefan Pogorzelec's SCREAMER from range.

Once again, Berti Vogts was seen to be talking to Brogues McGowan after the encounter, and speculation is rife that Berti has discovered some Scottish relatives which would mean that the Welsh Wing Wizard may be eligible to play for Scotland. However, it remains to be seen if he would pull on the dark blue of scotland, which would leave him unable to play for the Green Green Grass of Home.

Rob McLean
BBC Sport Scotland.

earlier today a press conference was held by illfunk midfielder mcgowan to try and diffuse the speculation over his promising international career. due to his families "colourful" past, mcgowan is eligible to play for scotland, wales, italy and the cayman islands. he told the worlds press: i'm really flattered by all the attention over my career but just now i'm concentrating on playing for illfunk. the team is really starting to gel now and i can only learn from playing along side guys like pogorzelec and burton. the bookies have mcgowan likely to don the dark blue or the azzurri.

[LimpKnot]

Kirsty, can we see any of your 'home videos'? I wach ur show on sky all the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> xxx

[njw]

hey limpknot you asshole, this is a serious thread...

[cunny]

Yeah i think limpcock should shut it. But thats onlu cos he spends time in Pegasus. Mink.

[Grantticus]

SO DO I

real clash of the titans stuff at the drumoig amphitheatre on a balmy thursday evening. at one point illfunk squandered a 6 goal lead to let merocaine back into the game but finished on top by a single goal. it looked like some dodgy tactics by the merocaine defense at the start of the game, but mcgowan gentlemanly replied "there were tackles flying in all over the place but when anyone got scythed down we made sure we always shook hands with the merocaine player that just tried to kill us". merocaines gavin burton was understandably gutted at his teams third defeat on the trot and will need to rally his team if he wants that decisive win before he starts his year long loan deal at a.s. roma. meanwhile illfunks george burton was noticably absent leading to speculation that he is part of a swap deal with chelseas jimmy floyd hasslebank, going as far as a failed medical last week.

disaster strikes as the game scheduled for the 15th august is called off at the 11th hour due to illfunk missing 3 1st team players (not advisable in 5-a-side). mcgowan (spine), pogorzelec (ligaments) and reid (international duty) all were forced to pull out before the game, with the fulcrum of the team missing illfunk had no choice but to cancel a game which they were looking to make their fifth consecutinve victory. even worse news was to follow from the club doctors: although pacey winger mcgowan should be fit for next week, midfield general pogorzelec looks likely to miss the next 3 weeks. can merocaine prosper from illfunks bad misfortune?