English becomes the official language of the European Union

Dj-Zero · 24th March 2006, 03:14 PM

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

humndislocation · 24th March 2006, 06:21 PM

Oh Euro-skeptics, your jokes are always the best

Dj-Zero · 24th March 2006, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by humndislocation

Oh Euro-skeptics, your jokes are always the best

i personally am undecided on the whole euro thing, i just thought this was funny.

Rich · 24th March 2006, 07:44 PM

im sorry, im not taking the piss, but you always post things from years ago!

: : Scott : : · 24th March 2006, 09:36 PM

You ever hear the one about DJ-Zero?

He built a time machine yesterday and travelled forward to 1998.

LOL I'll be here all night

Hecate · 24th March 2006, 09:39 PM

As an old cunt internet newbie I hadn't seen it before and thought it was quite funny

humndislocation · 25th March 2006, 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dj-Zero

i personally am undecided on the whole euro thing, i just thought this was funny.

Sorry, I wasn't refering to you, I was referring to the person that wrote this

To me, it comes across as "SOON THE UG TRIBE WILL BE SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF THE ZUG TRIBE!!! WHAT NEXT??? NEXT YOU'LL BE SAYING THAT WE SHOULD HAVE UNITED COUNTRY OF TEMPLETON WOODS, WHAT NEXT, THE COUNTRY OF DUNDEE, A COUNTRY OF SCOTLAND??? NAZIS!!"

How far does this "RARR WE NEED TO BE OUR OWN COUNTRY" shit go? England used to be several different countries. Splitting people up into smaller and smaller groups is totally the way for humankind to advance

Hecate · 25th March 2006, 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by humndislocation

Sorry, I wasn't refering to you, I was referring to the person that wrote this

To me, it comes across as "SOON THE UG TRIBE WILL BE SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF THE ZUG TRIBE!!! WHAT NEXT??? NEXT YOU'LL BE SAYING THAT WE SHOULD HAVE UNITED COUNTRY OF TEMPLETON WOODS, WHAT NEXT, THE COUNTRY OF DUNDEE, A COUNTRY OF SCOTLAND??? NAZIS!!"

This made me laugh too and please let me give you the 50 hitlers.....it's internet decorum I think, I'm drunk btw so apologies now...

Chunder · 25th March 2006, 07:35 AM

I always wonder how someone could have claimed to be the Übermensch with an appauling moustache such as that...

Rich · 25th March 2006, 12:35 PM

a hitler toy!

Dj-Zero · 25th March 2006, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rich

im sorry, im not taking the piss, but you always post things from years ago!

lol, sorry, i just post things i find funny.

24th March 2006, 03:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Dj-Zero I am Sancho Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Scumdee Posts: 3,961	English becomes the official language of the European Union European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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24th March 2006, 06:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
humndislocation Hardcore is serious guys Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 5,735 Band: Blasphemous Necrorapist	Oh Euro-skeptics, your jokes are always the best

24th March 2006, 07:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rich Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 3,556 Band: Action Man Bowtie	im sorry, im not taking the piss, but you always post things from years ago!

24th March 2006, 09:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
: : Scott : : Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dundee Posts: 7,112	You ever hear the one about DJ-Zero? He built a time machine yesterday and travelled forward to 1998. LOL I'll be here all night

24th March 2006, 09:39 PM	#6 (permalink)
Hecate Don Kate (UGS Mafia) Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: somewhere Posts: 2,478 Band: Vulsellum	As an old cunt internet newbie I hadn't seen it before and thought it was quite funny

25th March 2006, 07:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
Chunder Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: 今治、えひめ、日本 Posts: 392	I always wonder how someone could have claimed to be the Übermensch with an appauling moustache such as that...

25th March 2006, 12:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
Rich Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 3,556 Band: Action Man Bowtie	a hitler toy!