its late and i'm doing my best

[kj]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
arranged the use of a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, love. The man should be here
soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. I've come to..."

"No need to explain I've been expecting you," Mrs.
Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in and have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do
we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the
bed. Some- times the living room floor is fun too;
you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and
me,"
Mrs. Smith murmured.

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions
and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll
be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with
that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it.", Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on
the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to
get a
good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly
concentrate.

Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed on your, um....equipment ?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we
can get to work."

"Tripod??".

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam?
Madam?.....Good Lord, she's fainted."

[Flaming Toilet Bag]

oh dear

hehe

[andrewforce5]

for a while i thought it was a story about the band the smiths, i was quite confused! thank god it wasnt a story about the smiths thats not a pretty picture!

[Grantticus]

i laughed thru reading all of that.

[krashd]

That wiz a cracker :P

[Abi]

Heehee,

[McSlim]

i also thought it was about the smiths. good god morrisey havin a bairn.

him and his big nhs glasses and the rose in his pocket.

good story tho.