5 stages of drunkeness

Lindsay · 22nd July 2003, 05:49 PM

Stage 1
CLEVER ...."Im So clever, SO clever"This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You KNOW you know everything and you want to pass on your vast knowledge because you are always RIGHT. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.

Stage 2 GOOD LOOKING "Its just cos I'm FAAANTASTIC!"This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 RICH "You want a drink?...I'll buy you a drink!"This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 BULLET PROOF "Come on then...right now"You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are CLEVER, you're RICH and Hell - you're BETTER LOOKING than them anyway!

Stage 5 INVISIBLE "Lalalalalala....I needanotherdrink!"This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snog the face off them because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also INVISIBLE to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know ALL
the words.

scottmilo · 22nd July 2003, 05:54 PM

where's the stage where you just fall about, talk shite and eventually end up slumped in the corner of the room?

Lindsay · 22nd July 2003, 06:15 PM

that's three different stages. and i've never personally reached the last one.

ither spew or sober up. although spewing usually ends up in sobering up.

22nd July 2003, 05:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
Lindsay eighties fan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Glasgow Posts: 7,594	5 stages of drunkeness Stage 1 CLEVER ...."Im So clever, SO clever"This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You KNOW you know everything and you want to pass on your vast knowledge because you are always RIGHT. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER. Stage 2 GOOD LOOKING "Its just cos I'm FAAANTASTIC!"This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 RICH "You want a drink?...I'll buy you a drink!"This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you are still CLEVER so, naturally, you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage 4 BULLET PROOF "Come on then...right now"You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are CLEVER, you're RICH and Hell - you're BETTER LOOKING than them anyway! Stage 5 INVISIBLE "Lalalalalala....I needanotherdrink!"This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You can dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You can also snog the face off them because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also INVISIBLE to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still CLEVER you know ALL the words.

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22nd July 2003, 05:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
scottmilo Registered User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: erinsburgh et broughty ferry Posts: 496	where's the stage where you just fall about, talk shite and eventually end up slumped in the corner of the room?

22nd July 2003, 06:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lindsay eighties fan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Glasgow Posts: 7,594	that's three different stages. and i've never personally reached the last one. ither spew or sober up. although spewing usually ends up in sobering up.